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I don t want to marry my girlfriend

To show you how much i love you. Big fat gurl boobs. Amateur girl gets double teamed. Bitch ass 2018 jelsoft enterprises ltd. Nude boobs 1955's ass garters. Toyed bdsm slave wax play. Redneck girls nude gif. When a girl says dear to a guy. Sexy cybergoth. Kansas jaclyn deepthroat. If you've been thinking you want to get marriedyou might be caught up in all those fuzzy I don t want to marry my girlfriend of love and thoughts towards the future — as well as the all-encompassing world that is wedding planning. But sometimes, despite the source everything feels so right, there can still be a few signs marriage source the best ideaor that your partner may not actually be "The One. This is incredibly easy to do, especially if you really appreciate your partner's positive qualities. Maybe they're really sweet. Or you love how creative they are. Or you two live together in harmony. When all that's true, a wedding can seem like a great idea. But if you two have differing core values, have difficulty communicating your needs, or if you suspect they don't truly want to I don t want to marry my girlfriend married, it may be a good idea to pump the brakes. That does not mean, however, that your relationship is doomed. If there are trust issues or insecurities, those things can be talked through, either together, or with the help of a counselor, in order to determine how to proceed. From there, you can certainly have a healthy relationship — and a healthy marriage, if you still want to go down that road. But if you notice any of the signs below, it may be a good idea to hold off on walking down the aisle. If you find that when discussing marriage, you don't see eye-to-eye on your expectations, or what you want from a wedding, it might not be a good sign. Disagreements while planning a wedding are common, but take note if these disagreements precede any official plans to have a wedding while you're just talking about it. If you and your partner can't get along while planning your wedding, you might really struggle to stay married. Whether we're talking about money could be spent on a wedding, or how you two handle everyday money issues as a couple, it's not I don t want to marry my girlfriend great sign more info you have vastly different viewpoints. Xx porn online video Free hentai tentacles online videos.

Begging best friend. I lived I don t want to marry my girlfriend a man to whom I very much wanted to marry. Every time we went this web page to dinner and he reached into his coat pocket my heart caught in my throat. Was this it?

Was that the ring? Was I finally being chosen? And he was right. I wanted marriage because I wanted something else—I was tired of my life. I wanted something fun, something that would elevate me above my boring day-to-day existence. You won't watch a TV show about two people in a day-to-day, functional relationship.

Take very few cues from movies and TV on how you should live your life; they're meant to be spectacular so that you can leave your functional life and enter the mysterious world of make-believe where you watch people act and react without real consequences.

The relationship in Twilight is an abusive one. Just a heads-up on your expectations there. And I think the biggest threats to your relationship are those unrealistic expectations that after five years, you still feel weak-kneed and etc etc. I mean, look, it's clear that you're not satisfied in some real basic way, so I'm going to go ahead and say "break up," but I think you're really going to regret it.

Maybe you need that loss and regret to calibrate your ideas of what love is. I wish you luck. You've described my relationship with my wife, and I'd marry her again in a heartbeat. You've got a good thing. Don't throw it away because you feel like you're I don t want to marry my girlfriend in a Hugh Grant movie.

Here is a book that might give you some things to think about. I have seen it recommended on AskMeFi before. I wonder how many of the people recommending breaking up are actually married, versus the people recommending staying together. After being married a while, the weak-kneed feeling goes away, and a deeper, more stable and comfortable feeling grows.

If you always break up when the excitement goes, you never get to that part. Honestly if "break up" is a legitimate option then its the right one for everyone involved. If what you want is a lifetime of super-high highs followed by soul-crushing lows when the weak-in-the-knees drama unfolds which it never I don t want to marry my girlfriend in the movies, but it always does in real lifeso be it.

Some people need that. But if that is how you feel, please let your girlfriend who is --"gorgeous", --honest "we can The following contains sciency-flavored advice, not to be taken as gospel or anything other than interesting. I'm not a scientist, psychologist, or anything other than a happily long term co-habitating person in love. Falling in love is an chemical reaction. First there is initial attraction, lusty limerance feelings, related to testosterone, estrogen and a big hit of dopamine.

You can't ride this high forever, you develop tolerances to it, like any other drug. You eventually come down from this high, and hopefully, you're left with Oxytocin, the "bonding love" hormone. You get a hit of this each time you orgasm or have physical contact. We've just got Oxytocin to help us out. I don't at all mean to imply that humans are not supposed I don t want to marry my girlfriend be monogamous.

Rak Pornolar Watch Video Hottie tracy. It sounds like you have done that and actually have a real, lasting relationship with a good person. As a recovering Limerence addict, I envy you. There's a reason there are two contradictory cliches -- "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," but "Out of sight, out of mind. In fact, the latter type is more fortunate: And you have some really naive ideas of what a relationship is supposed to be like, which cause you to slightly undervalue the fantasticness of your relationship. If you break up, you'll lose the fantastic relationship and replace it with some other relationship, which might be equally fantastic or less fantastic, but still won't live up to your idealized notions. And you'll still have the same old idealized notions weighing you down. So, breaking up does not sound like progress. No offense, but if you're basing your idea of true love on the pap that's shown in Hollywood movies, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointing relationships. Marriage is hard fucking work. It's probably the hardest job you'll ever have next to being a parent. It's also one of the most fulfilling and soul-enriching adventures you'll ever experience if you do it right. It seems like you need to recalibrate your ideas about love and relationships in general before you even start thinking about marriage. I've been in long term relationships, short term relationships, had intense love in relationships, had loveless relationships, and I've been married and gotten divorced. I'm Not an expert in relationships, but I'm beyond looking for puppy love at least. The thing about long term relationships when you're inexperienced made evident by your perspective is that in the later years you feel like you're missing out on something intense and passionate. Yeah, that can feel awesome, but it's not a sensation that lasts as previously stated. And it's hard to come by - you'll probably have to go through a lot of dud relationships before something else works out, and you'll have your heart broken more than a few times along the way. And in the end, all you'll really be looking for is someone who you find attractive and interesting, with the same general life goals as you, whom you get along with fabulously, and that she feels the same way about you. You already have this. It should be because you would be happier being alone than being with that person, or because ultimately you won't be able to find a satistfactory compromise in diverging objectives in life. If you're not feeling in love with her, perhaps you've stopped paying attention to her in some key ways and I recommend you ask for help on getting to know her again instead. Also, I think you threw everyone off with the editorialized intro about rom-coms. Yeah, life isn't a montage. But if I were your girlfriend and I read this, I'd dump your silly ass and find myself someone who didn't entertain juvenile expectations of how adult relationships work. I don't really care if you think life should be a romantic comedy. You just sound so terribly lackluster about this woman. You don't miss her at all when she's not there? You don't like spending vacation with her? You can't even define yourself as "in love" with her? You might be ruining a relationship that you could have made into worthy marriage-material with all this overthinking and emotional dilly-dallying, but the point stands: You, honestly, do not sound like marriage material. Your girlfriend has the right to be with someone who will be okay when she's occasionally be boring, or gets spinach in her teeth, or says something that irks the hell out of you, and she deserves to be with someone who can definitely say that he is in love with her. No quotes. Because your girlfriend is a flesh-and-blood human, not a smiling actress on the movie screen. Echoing others, I don't agree that because you're having this dilemma you shouldn't get married to this young lady. Uncertainty about such a big decision is normal, and it won't go away, no matter how happy you are and how long you are married. That's life. I think it sounds like you have a fine relationship, and it's impossible to know what the future will hold, but just by asking yourself this question you're showing an important ability to ask questions about the state of your relationship. Asking questions leads to improvements, and there's no such thing as a relationship that can't be improved. My wife and I once discussed the fact that we did not feel for each other with the screaming intensity that we had, in the past, felt for other people. And we both felt perfectly fine and somewhat relieved by that. It's a lot of fun when it's not horrifically painful but it's not what lasting relationships are about. That said, you also shouldn't mistake complacency and easy with lasting affection. Unfortunately it seems like you're going to have to sort out the difference between expectations for something that simply cannot last and lowered standards. Those first two? The third? I don't really know what that means. That you don't wish you could grab her up and run off for two weeks, unbothered by anyone else? That could be as much about your attitude towards vacationing as anything else; personally I often prefer shorter and simpler getaways. If instead it means you dread being off with just the two of you, well, that's problematic. Missing her when she's away? Also unclear. Some people are just like that. My wife feels my absence more than I feel hers if she has to travel for a few days but that's more about personal preference than affection - I still get to speak to her daily, the world being what it is now, and am more phlegmatic and patient than she is. When she's away I know she'll be back. The barometer I think is more significant is how often do you want to tell her about things? I can't imagine a day when something doesn't happen that makes me think "oh man, I have to tell my wife about this. But really, this is all you buddy. If you don't buy what I have said above, or can't feel it, then maybe you should walk. We're not always ready for things when they happen to us and if you're not in a point in your life where you can accept this situation as the right one for you then it doesn't matter what the rest of us think Move on; free her up to meet someone who will appreciate the partner she is. Go chase that passion if you need it for a while. Shit, maybe you need it forever. Some people are like that. It's not right or wrong except to the extent that you fuck over other people. Better than you end this now rather than be an unhappy and shitty partner for a decade or forever. Just do it based on what you need, not what we or hollywood tells you what you need. Have you ever noticed that most of those movies end right after they fall in love? I know that there are good arguments for either side but I would say that your lack of enthusiasm would indicate that marriage is not the right option. Yes, you're likely to have a very comfortable and successful marriage, but I think that, from what you've described, if you get married, you are "settling" and that one of you may regret it later. The comfortable ones usually have lots of skeletons, infidelities, etc. If you don't know what you want for sure after 5 years, maybe it's time to step back. It's possible that after some time apart you may realize that it wasn't as good as it seemed on paper and that maybe there was a reason you didn't feel wholeheartedly committed in the first place. Anecdotally, I was in the same position a few years back and decided to leave. I still sometimes miss him and the stability and comfort he provided but I don't regret moving on. I still haven't found somebody "better" but I'm confident that I made the right decision. The people telling you that marrigae isn't a hollywood love story are right, of course, but so what? These doubts that have been torturing you for five years aren't going to go away just because you get married. They'll get worse. Marriage isn't a day at the beach. If you're this conflicted going into it, it probably won't last and divorce is a lot harder on everyone involved than the breakup of a five-year relationship. Your choice shouldn't be "marry or break up"; marriage isn't going to fix anything. You should be choosing between breaking up now and working on your relationship which could lead to marriage or breakup or something else entirely. All Hollywood romances should end like The Graduate. Just two people, riding a bus, quietly contemplating their future, maybe a little scared and unsure about the reality of what they've just gotten themselves into. Just throwing this out there: Yes, this. Ultimately, that's what a marriage comes down to. Most everything else will fade, but if you have someone you can't wait to discuss things with, then your life will be good. I don't get weak in the knees, I don't think about her day and night, That's not "love", it's "limerance. Do you actually know what "getting weak in the knees" around someone feels like? Hell, not only did I get "weak in the knees", I turned pale, swooned, fainted and almost fell down! In the middle of a crowded concert hall How are you supposed to develop a healthy, meaningful relationship when you're so jacked on adrenaline you're trembling in spite of yourself and your heart rate and pulse are so extreme you can barely speak? It sucks! Oh, and your sweat stinks like copper. Trust me, this is NOT what you want. Stupid pop culture expectations. Why anyone would want a partner who makes them nervous or self-conscious is beyond me. High drama relationships are stressful and tiring. I don't know about marriage but I've had two long term relationships, one dramatic one not, and I never want to tie my happiness to another drama queen drama king? Every fight was an excuse for suicidal threats and screaming rage. That's why Romeo and Juliet ends so badly. Crazy passion leads to poor decisions. Think hard about whether you want that. And, to answer your specific question, neither. No point in breaking up unless you or your gf are unhappy. No point in marriage unless you really want it. Nothing wrong with maintaining the status quo if it makes you happy. Don't you think you should talk to her about this, rather than a group of strangers who don't anything about you, her or the relationship? I've had both a longterm relationship that was comfortable and wrapped me like a warm blanket, and the heart-pounding, think-about-you-every-second longterm relationship. Give me the comfortable, soothing one any time. That weak in the knees feeling at the beginning of relationships is wonderful but it's not sustainable, or even realistic. Like others have said, when I'm 90, I want to know my best friend and love of my life will be there right next to me. Because then we broke up and I was forced to find other ways to alleviate my boredom. I started taking classes, writing, and performing. I found in myself a worth beyond marriage. And then I met someone who wanted to marry me with the same fervor that I wanted to marry him and we got married. Weddings are loud and expensive stress balls. After you are married, you are no longer the only person you answer to. You are no longer the only one you account for in your life decisions. You have stood up in front of everyone you hold dear and told them and the universe that this person is your mate. Marriage is a commitment beyond a one-year lease: This is a conflict without compromise. You will get married or you will break up. John Rentoul. Chuka Ummuna. Shappi Khorsandi. Gina Miller. Our view. Sign the petition. Spread the word. Steve Coogan. Rugby union. Motor racing. US sports. Rugby League. Geoffrey Macnab. Tech news. Tech culture. News videos. Explainer videos. Sport videos. Money transfers. Health insurance. Money Deals. She proposed to me. Apparently she was really good in calculating the money she could gain from me once we get married. She filed for divorce early to get a percentage of my money. Never ever trust a woman with your money if you are not sure with her. This was my dream house. I got played like a chump. I wish I could turn back time and if I had the chance to get a gun and killed her, I would. Life really beat me. I give up on life. Your email address will not be published. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. By Team LovePanky. Share Tweet Pin It. Team LovePanky Flirt. The fact that marriage gives you, as a couple, more respect in society is entirely arbitrary. It has nothing to do with you finding love, and everything to do with money. Families also treat married partners with more respect, while simultaneously and subtly shaming single or queer folks. To add insult to injury, my family doesn't recognize my queer relationships. It's not about love. If I dream about getting married, it's basically because of the tax purposes and multiple incomes. Honestly, I'll have a hard time choosing to benefit from that privilege, having known the discrimination that unmarried people face from their own families. If marriage is your ultimate reason for being in a relationship, you may be rushing into something that you're not ready for..

In fact, I think the I don t want to marry my girlfriend opposite. We get to choose to stay monogamous. Poor Mr. Prairie Vole doesn't have a choice in the matter, the first mate he has, he's stuck with for life and will defend his mate to the death.

So, understand that you're not going to be link that crazy high of initial I don t want to marry my girlfriend for your whole life, even if you do seek out multiple affairs or new partners.

Theres no such thing as destiny or soul mates. You've got choice. Maybe there are other people that check this out make you as happy and be as compatible as your current girlfriend. That doesn't mean you shouldn't marry her, or that you should marry anyone else. In fact, there's no "should" involved at all, it's "want"! Do you want to marry her? Then do it! There's no sign to look for, no test, no checklist.

You get to make this choice with all your lusty hormones but also your brain.

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I think that's more romantic than cupid's arrows sticking you together. How deeply flattering is it to know I don t want to marry my girlfriend choose you", not because there's no one else for me, but "I choose you" over all others? It sounds like you have a good relationship, and I don t want to marry my girlfriend developed the "tools" for long term relationships. Maybe your bond has become less strong, and should you choose to strengthen it, the prescription is more sex and cuddling.

These answers are not what I was expecting. Yes, the "weak in the knees" feeling fades, but after 5 years together you should probably miss your girlfriend when she is away. That said, I agree with Zizzle and don't think I can say it much better than that.

It sounds like the physical side of your relationship is strong, which is great and necessary to sustain a long relationship, but do you feel emotionally supported by her, and she by you?

See again what the previous answerer said about Limerence. I am not a relationship expert by any means, but I do feel check this out to say I know a bit about Limerence: It is what possibly healthy High Schooler's feel in a relationship and unhealthy adults crave in adult relationships -If you feel "weak in the knees" and feel you MUST feel weak in the knees for years on end you are not "in love"; you are a love addict on, or craving, a fix.

Basically, if your Me-Fi had been "I Feel madly in love with this girl I I don t want to marry my girlfriend known from [1 to 18] months, should I marry her? Make sure you share an outlook on life, are really good friends, and actually LIKE her. It I don t want to marry my girlfriend like you have done that and actually have a real, lasting relationship with a good person.

As a recovering Limerence addict, I envy you. There's a reason there are two contradictory cliches -- "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," but "Out of sight, out of mind. In fact, the latter type is more fortunate: And you have some really naive ideas of what a relationship is supposed to be like, which cause you to slightly undervalue the fantasticness of your relationship.

If you break up, you'll lose the fantastic relationship and replace it with some other relationship, which might be equally fantastic or less fantastic, but still won't read article up to your idealized notions.

And you'll still have the same old idealized notions weighing you down. So, breaking up does not sound like progress. No offense, but if you're basing your idea of true love on the pap that's shown in Hollywood movies, you're go here yourself up for a lifetime of disappointing relationships. Marriage is hard fucking work.

It's probably the hardest job you'll ever have next to being a parent. It's also one of the most fulfilling and soul-enriching adventures you'll ever experience if you do it right. It seems like you need to recalibrate your ideas about love and relationships in general before you even start thinking about marriage.

I've been in long term relationships, short term relationships, had intense love in relationships, had loveless relationships, and I've been married and gotten divorced. I'm Not an expert in relationships, but I'm beyond looking for puppy love at I don t want to marry my girlfriend. The thing about long term relationships when you're inexperienced made evident by your perspective is that in the later years you feel like you're missing out on something intense and passionate.

Yeah, that can feel awesome, but it's not a sensation that lasts as previously stated. And it's hard to come by - you'll probably have to go through a I don t want to marry my girlfriend of dud relationships before something else works out, and you'll have your heart broken more than a few times along the way. And in the end, all you'll really be looking for is someone who you find attractive and interesting, with the same general life goals as you, whom you get along with fabulously, and that she feels the same way about you.

You already have this. It should be because you would be happier being alone than being with that person, or because ultimately you won't be able to find a satistfactory compromise in diverging objectives in life.

If you're not feeling in love with her, perhaps you've stopped paying attention to her in some key ways I don t want to marry my girlfriend I recommend you ask for help on getting to know her again instead.

Also, I think you threw everyone off with the editorialized intro about rom-coms.

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Yeah, life isn't a montage. But if I were your girlfriend and I read this, I'd dump your silly ass and find myself someone who didn't entertain juvenile expectations of how adult relationships work.

I don't really care if you think life should be a romantic comedy. Rubin says you'll I don t want to marry my girlfriend it in your gut if something isn't quite right. And it's important to listen.

If something's up with your partner, if there isn't respect or I don t want to marry my girlfriend, or if you don't think they're all-in, listen to your gut.

It may very well be read more From there, you can decide how to proceed. If your partner wants to make things work, you can work out your issues together or with a therapist. Or, you can decide to end things. All here options are completely viable, as long as they're what's best for you.

No one should be married before having this talk. The relationship assessment talk allows you to discuss where you are in a relationship.

Cock tube Watch Video Xxvideos Hb. Our view. Sign the petition. Spread the word. Steve Coogan. Rugby union. Motor racing. US sports. Rugby League. Geoffrey Macnab. Tech news. Tech culture. News videos. Explainer videos. Sport videos. Money transfers. Health insurance. Money Deals. Not happy enough to make me think that she is the one I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I suspected she was a gold digger and broke up with her. Never marry without being percent sure. I got married to the wrong woman that made my life a living hell. She proposed to me. Apparently she was really good in calculating the money she could gain from me once we get married. She filed for divorce early to get a percentage of my money. Never ever trust a woman with your money if you are not sure with her. This was my dream house. I got played like a chump. I wish I could turn back time and if I had the chance to get a gun and killed her, I would. Life really beat me. But wants her answer in the next 15 days from today. I told her to wait and right time will come when I would feel ready and want to make that decision solely by myself without any compulsions and pressure. Now I am in a fix,what if I say her to wait? I am not yet ready and want to settle in my new job and make myself stable. I am not even sure if she is the one. But she has told me that 'no' will break her heart. And I do care for her. I sometimes find her really awesome,the best,the one to be. But sometimes I just don't. I fear that this decision of mine may result into loss of my first love. Sometimes I feel it may result into something the very best I always desire. I don't want to marry before AND if say yes,It would be practically saying yes to marriage under compulsion. Though she is ready to wait if I engage with her but if I say yes to engagement too,I would never rollback my decision and will pretty much come down to the same situation. I just don't want to make her waste her years in this waiting game. Though I wish if this the wait could have happened without any issues. I could think of marrying her someday. I really enjoy all of your candid advice, and would love to hear your thoughts on my relationship. My boyfriend and I are both 26 and have been dating for over 6 years a few years long distance after college. We are very close, and he generally isn't afraid of commitment moving to be near me, helping me financially through school, we've been living together for a year, looking into purchasing a home, etc. That said, he acts and speaks like we are already married, or as if we have already talked about it. And, we hadn't until I brought it up six months ago. Last year, I began to feel upset that he hadn't proposed or hadn't talked about it with me seriously. These feelings were brought on because we were trying to move to a new location together due to his work, and I felt awkward trying to explain to my work personnel that I wanted to move for "my boyfriend" even though he had done it for me. The result was that I was not allowed to switch offices, and as a result, he stayed and declined the new work opportunity. Yet, the lack of marriage discussion bothered me. I would think, doesn't he know that I would likely be able to transfer if we were engaged? I didn't want to get engaged to ease a move - how unromantic! I brought it up casually then, and he said something to the effect of sorry, and that he didn't want to get engaged to ease a move. We then moved in together, and over the next year, I've felt less and less secure about our relationship because I keep thinking about this issue. Everyone else I know that has been in a relationship this long is married or engaged. I just want to have a satisfactory discussion and decision about it but I also want the pizzazz somewhat. Eventually, I just brought it up because he wanted to completely intermingle our finances, and I didn't feel comfortable with it and this issue had been bearing down on my thoughts and making me surly. He said that he did want to get married and had thought about it, but as far as I could see he hadn't taken any steps towards that end. After the discussion, we decided that we'd pick out a ring together, so we went to look at rings and I know he is having one made that I essentially picked out. However, it has already been over six months since our discussion and still nothing I know he had messed up the ring once. I don't know what to think anymore. I know he is serious, but I get really frustrated over our relationship and in our relationship due to this issue. Personally, I am not sure I even believe in the institution of marriage, or want to have the ceremony, but I do feel the external pressures. Towards him, I'm angry that he has taken the surprise away from me, has waited so long, lacks initiative in this regard and I know I am being unfair because he has shown initiative in other areas of our relationship. When we talk about it, it doesn't go that well because I am accusatory and he claims that he is trying to remedy the situation. The waiting and additional time just makes me bitter. I feel that he's taken away the surpise, the enjoyment over the ring, the happily saying yes to a proposal, and an exciting marriage ceremony, now that I have had such negative feelings in this regard for over a year. I guess I wonder about your thoughts generally. If you have any ideas about how to get out of this funk? I often feel like it is a catch, like whatever he does anymore regarding marriage, will not be enough to remedy how I feel about waiting. Hi I need some advice about my relationship. Let me start by say I'm 22 and my boyfriend of 4. I am at a loss, we have discussed marriage and engagement many many times and everytime the subject is broached he swears he would love nothing more then to marry me that second. However this is not the vibe I'm getting. To understand our relationship you have to know a few things, my boyfriend has been with me through hell, when we first met I had just been diagnosed with bipolar, and to be honest attempted to end my own life shortly after. He was there everytime I needed him though, he spent data with me in the hospital while I got the help I needed and we. Within a year of meeting we decided to move in together, everything was going smoothly until last year when out of the blue my liver began to fail, its taken til about a month ago for everything to fix itself but he stated with me through that too. However while I. And although my liver has healed I have been basically told that the. Last year I began asking my bf if he was planning on asking for my hand anytime in the near future, and he replied of course hopefully by Christmas. Well Christmas came and went. As did the day we celebrate as our anniversary and I still have no proposal, and anytime I breach the subject he blames finances and puts a new by this time date in my head. Dawn -- I'll give it a whirl. First off, I have to let you know that infidelity is a hot button issue for me, so I may not be the best person to ask in this resort. I see a man that has a year-long affair on his wife is a man that doesn't honor his commitments, who lies and is a selfish coward. I simply could never trust a man that was so openly deceitful. He could have been honorable and ended his marriage before pursuing you. The fact that he chose not to do that without some extreme extenuating circumstances, of which you made no mention other than not really loving his wife says that he has serious lack of character issues -- that he'll put his own needs above those of the woman he pledged his life to. That says to me he's very selfish and a coward. Being of such negligible character, I have a hard time seeing him being a stand-up guy with you. I see him more likely putting his needs first and not really caring how it affects you. So that's my first big caveat. Putting the cheating issue aside and looking at your situation as if that wasn't how it started, it looks like he has everything he wants and there is no reason for him to change. You have to get over this wanting him to have a desire to marry. He doesn't. You can't change that. You can't make someone want something. But if he is sincere in being willing to marry to make you happy, that is significant. That would be a sign of a partner. He's not standing on some bs principle or letting his fear dominate his life. If you can believe that he can sincerely do this for you to show his commitment and because he believes that it's important to you, then you should be satisfied with that. We do things for our partners all the time that we don't like or care for but we do them because it makes our partners happy or is important to them. If such partners then complained that it didn't count because we didn't really like it, that would be ridiculous and not to mention ridiculously selfish. I not only want you to go to the opera and be pleasant company i. Instead of recognizing someone sacrificing something to make you happy whether it's a night at the opera or getting married , you're focused on his intentions and desires. He's entitled to have his own desires and emotions -- that's not something you can control. Your desire to control that is your problem not his. The fact that you're so adamant about wanting him to want to get to married I think stems from what he told you about his first marriage. That you fear that he doesn't really want to marry you and somewhere down the road will have an affair with someone else much like he did with you because he doesn't really want to get married and he'll use the same story of not really wanting to marry you. I don't know what I'd do there. That's a hard call. I think you really need to search your soul and see if you can trust his intentions -- and given how your relationship started and what he said about his first wife, that's understandably difficult. But I think you have to make that call. If you can trust his intentions as sincere, then go ahead with the marriage -- let go of this foolish "I want him to want it too". It's unrealistic, controlling and a little juvenile. If you feel that you can't, then you may want to seriously reconsider your relationship altogether. Your relationship may ultimately be a poisoned well given the infidelity at the start, but only you know whether that's an issue for you or not. I don't understand that viewpoint, although I understand it's out there and for some people it's okay. I look at it like I do any other contract. Sure, you can make an oral contract, but for important stuff, people put contracts in writing. I think being married is a bigger deal than living together as an unmarried couple. Others disagree, but that's my take on it. I think you've got some soul searching to do, Dawn, and only you really have the ultimate answers. Best of luck to you! I hope you find all that you seek. Vicky -- I can't actually say why you personally are having a hard time letting go and accepting the reality of this situation. It may be as simple as just letting go of love. Many people in such a situation have a hard time letting go because they love their partner deeply. Unfortunately, their bf doesn't want the same things in life -- they don't want to be married to their gfs. You want fundamentally different things in your relationship. That's a really, really hard truth to accept especially when he's telling you how much he loves you. If you're interested in figuring out your issues personally, I'd really suggest considering seeing a counselor. Unless it's really obvious, a good counselor will really help you parse out these issues. I know there is a concept out there that says people are attracted to each other that fill some void they have as a person, or a core wound. And sometimes when you find such a person that fills that void, it can blind you to other areas where you don't fit because filling that void is so important to you. I'll give an example from my life. I struggle with abandonment issues and not feeling truly lovable due to my familial background. So when I "feel" very loved, I can blind myself to other issues. It was very difficult for me to break something off with a man that made me feel very loved and cherished but didn't want to marry me. Being married and making the commitment is extremely important to me. I want to feel loved and find my Person -- that individual that will be with me through thick and thin, that will be my rock and partner through all of Life's trials and tribulations if you see how Veronica talks about her husband and marriage -- I want that! But to let go of that immediate feeling of love because I knew there was no future was very, very hard. And it hurt like hell. And it took time to grief that loss -- and it is very much a loss. The comfort was that I knew I was doing what was best for me in the longrun -- then I could find someone that only made me feel loved in the present but would also promise to be there for me in the future and with whom I could build a life together. Perhaps your bf has some quality that fills a particular void in you -- a core wound. If you can figure out what that is and then work on healing it from within, then you won't be so susceptible to it in the future because you will have filled it yourself. You won't be so blinded by it. Just remember all your good qualities during these hard times. You sound amazing. You're educated, well-rounded, come from a great family, are very intuitive and self-aware, sound very generous with a big heart. If he can't see all those qualities, then that's a lacking on his part, not yours. And once you end this relationship, you'll be able to go out and find someone that can see all of you and will feel blessed and cherished to have such an amazing woman in his life. Best of luck -- and definitely keep us updated on how it goes. I feel for ya and know you'll be okay and eventually back to feeling amazing. So I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, were 23 and 24 and will qualify as doctors in a year. When I question him on marriage he says he will consider it after our foundation years I'm not saying I want to get married right now, but some sort of further commitment would be good. He is from a different culture and isn't meant to have girlfriends and so, even though it has been 4 years, I have never once met his family. Do you think I'm just being strung along? When I try to ask him he just seems unable to have a proper debate and we never get anywhere, he just wont talk about it all! Hi Victoria and Lindsey, I'm really looking forward to dying actually! Deep down I do know everything you just said to me. I am an educated, well rounded woman that comes from a great family and has a lot going for her. Why can I not walk away from this? This is not my first long-term relationship, and I may be only 24 but I've lived a VERY different life than most-in many ways. Thank you for your advice, and please keep me in your prayers. I will keep you posted on my improvement! Vicky -- You may not like to hear this, but given what you've written, I'd definitely say your relationship is not worth it. I would have bailed a long, long time ago. Here are my thoughts. First -- mom and sister. Your bf's family is going to be a big part of your life. They say when you marry someone, you marry their family as well. I find this to be very true. Now, plenty of us come from hot mess families, so it's not like you can never date someone because they have a crazy family. But how they treat you in relation to their family is very telling. You don't say much about where your bf is in this mess, but it sounds like to me that he isn't very supportive of you likely that he just wants to stay out of it which leaves you having to constantly deal with his nutty sister and mom? That's a really rough situation, especially since you describe them as so controlling and manipulative. For me, unless my bf was helping to make me feel really safe and secure in our relationship, how he felt about me, including in how he protected me from others including his crazy family , I'd be out of there. It sounds like he isn't making you feel like he's got your back and you're number 1 in his life. That would be a HUGE problem for me. It was exhausting as I felt I was having to constantly fight them and defend myself -- it really drained me. One of the reasons we eventually ended things was because despite loving him very much, certain members of his family tearing me down while he sat by and watched, made excuses for them or asked me to be more understanding of their lack of empathy and compassion just killed my respect and eventually my love of him. I'd never do that again. Second -- you don't sound like a good emotional match. People express emotions and relate to people in different ways. Neither is better than the other, just different. But it is important that you have some overlap and some compatibility. They're all valid methods of expressing emotion, but problems arise when you guys speak completely different languages, which seems to be the case with your bf. Was this it? Was that the ring? Was I finally being chosen? And he was right. I wanted marriage because I wanted something else—I was tired of my life. I wanted something fun, something that would elevate me above my boring day-to-day existence. And that is a horrific reason to get married and that man did me the greatest favor in the world by not proposing to me. Because then we broke up and I was forced to find other ways to alleviate my boredom. I started taking classes, writing, and performing. If I dream about getting married, it's basically because of the tax purposes and multiple incomes. Honestly, I'll have a hard time choosing to benefit from that privilege, having known the discrimination that unmarried people face from their own families. If marriage is your ultimate reason for being in a relationship, you may be rushing into something that you're not ready for. I didn't used to worry. Basically, in my experience, I witnessed young divorcees either throw themselves at new, toxic relationships out of a sense of codependency, or eschew love altogether and be extremely withholding with people they were dating. Obviously, there are no binaries in life, and not everybody fits into these two categories. But I do have serious concerns that my friends who get married young will end up in the same boat. When you're very much head-over-heels in love, it may blind you to issues in your relationship that are glaringly obvious to others. That's why, if your friends, family, or those you are closest to aren't big fans of your significant other, you should hear them out. Does your partner make comments about not agreeing with marriage, or make jokes about monogamy? It may be a sign they aren't all in with these ideas, and may just be agreeing to marriage to make you happy. Be sure to ask them honestly if marriage is something they want, because such a monumental step should be agreed on by both people to keep a healthy relationship in the future. If you see a giant red flag waving around or even a tiny, pink flag marriage might not be a good idea just yet — especially if your partner isn't willing to make changes. Whether it be issues with communication, or subtle habits they have that are hurting you, red flags may be dealbreakers over time. In the same vein, if you find yourself complaining about the same thing over and over again in regards to your partner, it may be a sign your partner won't make a good spouse. It can help to see a therapist together, in cases like these, to get to the bottom of why your partner is having trouble making changes..

Have you both grown together? Can you take care of each other? Is there something either of you are doing that would keep you from having a successful relationship? I don t want to marry my girlfriend relationship is perfect, but at least you can explore your relationship in depth to help you come up with ways to make it work even better. As mentioned above, this can be the most article source thing you could tell your girlfriend.

There are tons of reasons for this. You may I don t want to marry my girlfriend see yourself staying with her for more than a handful of years. Any of the above tips should help you with your delicate situation. It's not about love. If I dream about getting married, it's basically because of the tax purposes and multiple incomes. Honestly, I'll have a hard time choosing to benefit from that privilege, having known the discrimination that unmarried people face from their own families. If marriage is your ultimate reason for being in a relationship, you may be rushing into something that you're source ready for.

I didn't used to worry. Basically, in my experience, I witnessed young divorcees either throw themselves at new, toxic relationships out of a sense of codependency, or eschew love altogether and be extremely withholding with people they were dating. Her spending habits she likes branded stuff a lot also worries me. Everything about my relationship with my boyfriend is great: I wouldn't change a thing except that maybe we don't have future together?

I recently asked my boyfriend if he thinks we have a future together. He replied yes we do, but that he only wants to get married when he I don t want to marry my girlfriend ready and that may be a long time down the road. About 6 years or so when he has his desired career. We're both Because that is such a long time away he said it is probably unlikely we will be together when he is ready to get married.

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He also said that if he were in a position where he was I don t want to marry my girlfriend to get married, he would marry me. So basically this means he doesn't care who he marries really?

And Is this code for "I don't ever want to marry you"? Should I be with someone who can't imagine his life without me? Or should I be patient for a while and see how things go? Read more love him and I know he loves me but I just don't know what to do. I did suggest that maybe we should go our separate ways but he disagrees. He really doesn't want to break up. Although sexual attraction is an important factor in a successful relationship, I don't see how you could let her appearance be the only obstacle in your future marriage.

Sexy pusee Watch Video Telugisex C. It may be a sign they aren't all in with these ideas, and may just be agreeing to marriage to make you happy. Be sure to ask them honestly if marriage is something they want, because such a monumental step should be agreed on by both people to keep a healthy relationship in the future. If you see a giant red flag waving around or even a tiny, pink flag marriage might not be a good idea just yet — especially if your partner isn't willing to make changes. Whether it be issues with communication, or subtle habits they have that are hurting you, red flags may be dealbreakers over time. In the same vein, if you find yourself complaining about the same thing over and over again in regards to your partner, it may be a sign your partner won't make a good spouse. It can help to see a therapist together, in cases like these, to get to the bottom of why your partner is having trouble making changes. But if nothing improves after that, and you'd like to move on, doing so may be the healthiest choice. Rubin says you'll feel it in your gut if something isn't quite right. And it's important to listen. If something's up with your partner, if there isn't respect or trust, or if you don't think they're all-in, listen to your gut. It may very well be right! To all of you women and men out there who are enduring pain because of a non-commital partner: I'm really stuck. Me and bf been together 6 years- he always said he wanted the same things as me marriage, kids etc even jokingly would get down on one knee and would ask questions like what type of ring would I like? More recently we talked about getting a house together- I was living at his flat for the last 3 years. We argued and I was stressed that he wasn't really telling me what he wants- not communicating! Then we agreed to compromise and start saving for a house and see where we were up to by next year- were not particularly financially sound either of us so then a months later he's sulking and withholding affection - I thought it was because I booked a hol withe the girls and he thought I was a hypocrite which may be true, spending money on hols. Then out of the blue he wants a break! I had to move out back to mum and dads- I'd told him that I wanted a commitment coz I was afraid of the rug being pulled out from under my feet, and he does it! So I waited a week then said- you obviously want to break up- he said he'd made a mistake and wanted to put ms on his morgage but then hesitated bout me moving my stuff back in- wanted to to out on dates first. I broke things off coz he was obviously still unsure and I don't think he should have to settled for me or say things like- "I think after 6 years we owe it to give it another chance". In between my distress I messed up my pill dates and he slept with me even though I was crying the whole time now I'm pregnant- not told him. What to do now?!!! I just want to say that everything about not convincing the other party into marriage is sage advice. My bf of 3 years I thought was The One. Until last night, when he said that he didn't see our future. We had broken up once before a year ago, and when he came crawling back to me, I thought he was serious. The part I don't get is that he had been really great lately- everything indicating that he was looking to the future, too. He even bought me a computer for my birthday less than 3 weeks ago. He had put up with my overprotective family a lot this past year, so I don't get why it felt as if he was acting with me for the past few months. I'm overly emotional, as it was less than 24 hours ago that this hit me, but I just need some clarity and closure. Everyone I know thought we were headed to marriage- and soon. Last night hit me like a brick. Hi Veronica, I am amazed with your advice.. I'm hoping you can shed some light on my situation. She and her family is pressuring into getting married. I feel that im not yet ready for the committment. Not sure if she isnt the one or i have a committment issue. We were engaged last year and broke it off 2 months later because she didnt get along with my sisters and that sparked a huge fight. Im scared to lose her because shes such a good girl, but at the same time i want to make sure im making the right decision. I am 32 years old. I was married for six years and had two children from that marriage. Unfortuatley, my husband died in a tragic car accident. This was four years ago. I am now in a relationship with a 36 year old man and we're going on 1 year and 8 months. He has never been married and has no children. I have fallen in love with this man and he says he's deeply in love with me. He is good to me and my children. He has his own home and a good job. I too have my own house, im going to school and have my own job. We seem to have a good relationship, but he has told me more than once that he's not ready for a "commitment" meaning marriage. He does say he wants children of his own soemday and i too would like at least one more child but he says that hes not thinking about all that just yet. This confuses me at times becuse theres times when he says things like when "we have a kid" and "when we get married". So i dont know what to think. I know what I want and life has taught me that life truly is short. I want the whole family life again. I want to be married but more specifically i want to marry this man. He has been a positive influence in my life. But these past few months i havent been truly happy. Knowing that he's still not sure if im "the one" hurts to the core, especially when i feel that he is "the one" for me. Im not the type to pressure anyone but this just feels like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Hes said it himself that he realizes he's being selfish but he also cant see his life without me. He says we need to take it day by day. I recently agreed to do that with the condition we bring up this subject again once we hit our 2 year mark. He said that was fair. Im just not sure what waiting for the 2 year mark is going to do or what exactly im waiting for. Sometimes i feel as if i cant go on with someone who is not as sure about me as i am about him especailly at our age!! He can have kids forever whereas us women cant. Plus, i have two kids to think about. They have gotten really attached to him and that scares me too knowing that he might not be around someday because "he wasnt ready" What do you think i should do? Wait around or just call it quits now Do you think he's wasting my time? I believe my kids and i have been through enough to be played with emotionally What do you believe? Please some advice I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years. He is 27, I am Right now we are long distance with little chance of being in the same city in the future due to our jobs military though we would have more chance if we were to get married. He says he is not ready but he does want a future with me. I just want a sign of commitment. It is so hard being long distance. What keeps playing in my mind is that last year he broke up with me because he needed to experience things on his own. Then 2 months later he deeply regretted it and new he wanted me in his life more than anything. He was serious about me. I don't have a promise ring, or property together. We do have a phone plan in his name, he pays the bill. He is very generous with his money. He is a wonderful man, whenever we do have weekends together it is fantastic. But I keep thinking, we will never be posted together unless we marry, and what if he changes his mind again and breaks up with me again? I am getting very clucky, plus I want us to be together again, I don't really want to be in a long distance relationship until he feels ready. My family and friends think I should end it. But I love him. I don't know how long to wait for him. With all do respect to the person above, this is not India. This America! You scared her off.. Get to know someone, and allow them to get to know you before purposing. First of all, a wonderful site. I really appreciate. I read down this page from top to bottom this night. It is I am Indian. My gf is We know each other for the last 1. We are both software engineers with me being one promotion above her. I am an engineer from one of the best Engineering Institutes of India. I am intelligent with strong academic background and career ambitious. Just recently I have got this plum job 4 hours away from the current place I am living. Roll back 1. I fell in love with my girl and proposed her after 3 months. She was into me and she told me that she is attracted to me but not yet in love. In 3 months without any physical relationship ,we ended up breaking up with each other as she said she was not into this all relationships,having bf etc. We did not talk for next 5 months. Then after 5 months she approached me and finally after 1 month or so we ended up in physical relationship. For these 6 months she comes and stays at my place every weekend we both live away from our parents independently. I love her. She loves me. We fight over small issues sometimes and she gets angry on small things which I tend to ignore thinking that she is being little childlike there. I get angry sometimes too. This is my first real relationship. I love this girl but I would be frank to say that I do not lust her. She is very beautiful but ,you can call me stupid,asshole,anything,I also find a lot of girls who are way more sexy and beautiful. Now she visit her parents at her hometown and when she return back ,throws me that Big question- ''What do you think about our future? Do you plan to marry me? If they start that I cannot say no to my parents. Then it would be late. She wants not very happy and willing though due to 4 hours of travel every weekend to still continue visiting me on weekends. But wants her answer in the next 15 days from today. I told her to wait and right time will come when I would feel ready and want to make that decision solely by myself without any compulsions and pressure. Now I am in a fix,what if I say her to wait? I am not yet ready and want to settle in my new job and make myself stable. I am not even sure if she is the one. But she has told me that 'no' will break her heart. And I do care for her. I sometimes find her really awesome,the best,the one to be. But sometimes I just don't. I fear that this decision of mine may result into loss of my first love. Sometimes I feel it may result into something the very best I always desire. I don't want to marry before AND if say yes,It would be practically saying yes to marriage under compulsion. Though she is ready to wait if I engage with her but if I say yes to engagement too,I would never rollback my decision and will pretty much come down to the same situation. I just don't want to make her waste her years in this waiting game. Though I wish if this the wait could have happened without any issues. I could think of marrying her someday. I really enjoy all of your candid advice, and would love to hear your thoughts on my relationship. My boyfriend and I are both 26 and have been dating for over 6 years a few years long distance after college. We are very close, and he generally isn't afraid of commitment moving to be near me, helping me financially through school, we've been living together for a year, looking into purchasing a home, etc. That said, he acts and speaks like we are already married, or as if we have already talked about it. And, we hadn't until I brought it up six months ago. Last year, I began to feel upset that he hadn't proposed or hadn't talked about it with me seriously. These feelings were brought on because we were trying to move to a new location together due to his work, and I felt awkward trying to explain to my work personnel that I wanted to move for "my boyfriend" even though he had done it for me. The result was that I was not allowed to switch offices, and as a result, he stayed and declined the new work opportunity. Yet, the lack of marriage discussion bothered me. I would think, doesn't he know that I would likely be able to transfer if we were engaged? I didn't want to get engaged to ease a move - how unromantic! I brought it up casually then, and he said something to the effect of sorry, and that he didn't want to get engaged to ease a move. We then moved in together, and over the next year, I've felt less and less secure about our relationship because I keep thinking about this issue. Everyone else I know that has been in a relationship this long is married or engaged. I just want to have a satisfactory discussion and decision about it but I also want the pizzazz somewhat. Eventually, I just brought it up because he wanted to completely intermingle our finances, and I didn't feel comfortable with it and this issue had been bearing down on my thoughts and making me surly. He said that he did want to get married and had thought about it, but as far as I could see he hadn't taken any steps towards that end. After the discussion, we decided that we'd pick out a ring together, so we went to look at rings and I know he is having one made that I essentially picked out. However, it has already been over six months since our discussion and still nothing I know he had messed up the ring once. I don't know what to think anymore. I know he is serious, but I get really frustrated over our relationship and in our relationship due to this issue. Personally, I am not sure I even believe in the institution of marriage, or want to have the ceremony, but I do feel the external pressures. Towards him, I'm angry that he has taken the surprise away from me, has waited so long, lacks initiative in this regard and I know I am being unfair because he has shown initiative in other areas of our relationship. When we talk about it, it doesn't go that well because I am accusatory and he claims that he is trying to remedy the situation. The waiting and additional time just makes me bitter. I feel that he's taken away the surpise, the enjoyment over the ring, the happily saying yes to a proposal, and an exciting marriage ceremony, now that I have had such negative feelings in this regard for over a year. I guess I wonder about your thoughts generally. If you have any ideas about how to get out of this funk? I often feel like it is a catch, like whatever he does anymore regarding marriage, will not be enough to remedy how I feel about waiting. Hi I need some advice about my relationship. Let me start by say I'm 22 and my boyfriend of 4. I am at a loss, we have discussed marriage and engagement many many times and everytime the subject is broached he swears he would love nothing more then to marry me that second. However this is not the vibe I'm getting. To understand our relationship you have to know a few things, my boyfriend has been with me through hell, when we first met I had just been diagnosed with bipolar, and to be honest attempted to end my own life shortly after. He was there everytime I needed him though, he spent data with me in the hospital while I got the help I needed and we. Within a year of meeting we decided to move in together, everything was going smoothly until last year when out of the blue my liver began to fail, its taken til about a month ago for everything to fix itself but he stated with me through that too. However while I. And although my liver has healed I have been basically told that the. Last year I began asking my bf if he was planning on asking for my hand anytime in the near future, and he replied of course hopefully by Christmas. Well Christmas came and went. As did the day we celebrate as our anniversary and I still have no proposal, and anytime I breach the subject he blames finances and puts a new by this time date in my head. Dawn -- I'll give it a whirl. First off, I have to let you know that infidelity is a hot button issue for me, so I may not be the best person to ask in this resort. I see a man that has a year-long affair on his wife is a man that doesn't honor his commitments, who lies and is a selfish coward. I simply could never trust a man that was so openly deceitful. He could have been honorable and ended his marriage before pursuing you. The fact that he chose not to do that without some extreme extenuating circumstances, of which you made no mention other than not really loving his wife says that he has serious lack of character issues -- that he'll put his own needs above those of the woman he pledged his life to. That says to me he's very selfish and a coward. Being of such negligible character, I have a hard time seeing him being a stand-up guy with you. I see him more likely putting his needs first and not really caring how it affects you. So that's my first big caveat. Putting the cheating issue aside and looking at your situation as if that wasn't how it started, it looks like he has everything he wants and there is no reason for him to change. You have to get over this wanting him to have a desire to marry. He doesn't. You can't change that. You can't make someone want something. But if he is sincere in being willing to marry to make you happy, that is significant. That would be a sign of a partner. He's not standing on some bs principle or letting his fear dominate his life. If you can believe that he can sincerely do this for you to show his commitment and because he believes that it's important to you, then you should be satisfied with that. We do things for our partners all the time that we don't like or care for but we do them because it makes our partners happy or is important to them. If such partners then complained that it didn't count because we didn't really like it, that would be ridiculous and not to mention ridiculously selfish. I not only want you to go to the opera and be pleasant company i. Instead of recognizing someone sacrificing something to make you happy whether it's a night at the opera or getting married , you're focused on his intentions and desires. He's entitled to have his own desires and emotions -- that's not something you can control. Your desire to control that is your problem not his. Julie Houts on modern love - In pictures Show all Enter your email address Continue Continue Please enter an email address Email address is invalid Fill out this field Email address is invalid Email already exists. I would like to receive the best features and trends across the world of lifestyle every week by email. Update newsletter preferences. Comments Share your thoughts and debate the big issues. Join the discussion. Please be respectful when making a comment and adhere to our Community Guidelines. Create a commenting name to join the debate Submit. Please try again, the name must be unique. Follow comments Enter your email to follow new comments on this article. Thanks for subscribing! Vote Are you sure you want to submit this vote? Submit vote Cancel. You must be logged in to vote. Report Comment Are you sure you want to mark this comment as inappropriate? Flag comment Cancel. Subscribe to Independent Minds to debate the big issues Want to discuss real-world problems, be involved in the most engaging discussions and hear from the journalists? Try for free Already registered? Log in. Delete Comment Are you sure you want to delete this comment? Delete comment Cancel. The Notebook. Anything with Hugh Grant. The ones where you fall completely in love and have a lifetime of emotional loveliness. Yes, there are fights and hard times and pain and stress, but every night, you and the love of your life will make up and look at each other, knowing the other person is the most wonderful person in the world and you pray that you will never be driven apart. THIS has been the concept that has been driven into my mind like a railroad spike. And I'm starting to somewhat doubt it. For sure, I wish with all my being for that to be the case. But now I'm confused. I have a girlfriend. She's gorgeous. I love hanging out with her and I enjoy physical aspects of our relationship. We can confide in each other and be honest with each other. We're there for each other. Basically we have an excellent friendship and a similar outlook on life. But there's something missing I love her and am committed to her, but I'm not "in love" with her as we would define it. I don't get weak in the knees, I don't think about her day and night, I don't cherish being on holiday with her, I'm don't usually miss her when she's away. When I realize this, I feel like I'm at a crossroads. I can either: Tortured by this for the last five years, I wonder, is this normal? Am I analysing too much? Or should I simply do the right thing, get my coat, move out and let us both move on? Dude, I didn't even need to read the rest of your question. When your title is "Marry or break up? Have you spent any time apart? How did it feel? Sure, there are things about my wife that I wish were different, and I know she thinks the same about me. That's natural and completely normal. But we couldn't imagine ever being apart, and that's one of the many reasons we got married. We rely on each other, failures and everything. Sounds like you've got a whole lot of physical and a little bit of emotional going on here. Physical will fade, and you'll be left with a little bit of emotional in your golden years. And you will feel very, very alone. Maybe, I, too, have drank the kool-aid, but I believe that you'd be better off discussing your feelings with her, get her point of view, and then go from there, which will probably put you on the path to b break up. The best advice I ever received about marriage came from a friend's mother. I paraphrase, but here it is: Do you trust him with your life if you become seriously ill? Is this the man you want to parent with? You've been with her for five years, the sex is still good, you still love her, and you're worried because you "don't think about her day and night"? Dude, life isn't the movies. It sounds like you are already "married" to this fine lady! Marriage is not about feeling weak in the knees or obsessing about someone day and night. I advise you to not break up! The madly-in-love feeling you describe is limerance, and it doesn't usually last past the first couple of years of a relationship. After those initial sparks begin to fade away, if you are lucky you are left with much the sort of relationship you describe with your girlfriend. Some people simply don't experience limerance. If you've had a few relationships and never felt that "crazy in love" feeling with anyone, if you've never had a major crush on anyone, then you might be a non-limerant. If so, you'd probably be perfectly content in your current relationship long-term. I am going to break away from the rest of the answers here and let you know that the only person that matters here is you. Have you been drinking from the Hollywood cool aid juice long enough that for YOU it matters to be in Absolute love? If that is the case then you may need to break up Did you ever feel like you have a crush on this person? If you did then maybe you like me are the type of person that loves that initial rush and hopes for it to stay forever.. In short I feel I am one of those persons who HAS to be in love but due to the failures I have had with those who I have felt I was "in love" and the relative success i have had with those of whom I have merely "loved" that I am taking the time to explore which one works for me I, personally, think that being weak in the knees and obsessing over someone day and night is a fairly temporary feeling that generally doesn't last after a year or two. And -- more importantly -- have you been with that person long enough, at least several years, to watch that feeling die out? If you haven't had that experience or even if you have -- what's going to happen if you do get married, and a year in you meet someone who seems great in every way AND gives you that crazy in love feeling? Getting married to your current gf sounds like a recipe for a lot of pain for everyone. Sorry, your question made me laugh. Have you talked to real people who are married and love their spouses? Realistically, if you obsess about someone day and night, you're insane and need mental help. Don't live in your daydreams. Ground yourself. Look around at real relationships. Real life doesn't generally look good compared to fantasy, but real life doesn't need to be rejected in favor of fantasy. You sound like you recognize how lucky you are. She sounds like a catch. Despite the fact that we're presented with a single fairytale image of marriage, the reality is widely varied. Here are a couple of my insights as a guy who's still happily married 17 years on: Your relationship is just one of many facets of your life. It cannot, all by itself, make you a happy, fully actualised person. Furthermore, I find that my own tendency to feel "loving" is directly linked to my moods. Often, when I'm not feeling close, I realise I am depressed about something else that has nothing to do with her. Zoomorphic's litmus test does she make you "unbelievably happy" is unfair to her and takes away your own responsibility for your happiness. You probably already know this if you've been together for 5 years, but relationships take work. People who expect it to be a breeze never end up finding the magic person who makes that true. For me, this is the biggest one: On the day when you stand there together and say words like "forever" or "always," you are slices of 4-D beings who are doomed to grow and shrink and change in all sorts of ways as time passes. Your shared view of your relationship needs to take this into account - the commitment is to allow each other to change, and learn to love the new person as the changes pile up. All of this is not to say that you should take one path or the other. But I hope it helps you choose wisely. BTW, I had that "crazy in love" feeling and ended up with the person who gave me that, but I'm so grateful I don't feel crazy like that anymore. I could barely eat. I was so giddy, I could barely focus. And I was in a master's program at the time. It was hard to study and not just go be with him. I felt like I was on drugs, and I am so glad I am not on that high anymore. I'm still in love with him, but I'm able to do things, like have a job, eat dinner, sit through a whole dinner with friends without aching to see him, focus at work, not walk in a haze until I see him again. Yes, it was that bad. I could barely sit still. I was annoying to everybody. I cringe every time I hear someone doubt their relationship because they're not "in love. MonkeyToes has it right: You're asking if you should throw away a known good for some nebulous possibility? Go and do something nice for her right now, and smack yourself for overthinking a plate of beans. I'm sure you could trust your girlfriend to take care of you if you were in the hospital. You're starting to somewhat doubt the drivel that Hollywood has been shoveling at us forever? Hollywood where Happy Couples like Brad and Angelina get together and raise a family? Did you forget that Brad had a wife when he supposedly fell in love with Angelina? Or maybe you mean the latest Hollywood love story of Sandra Bullock and Jesse James and his mistresses. It's how we wish love would be, but it's not. I, personally, think that being weak in the knees and obsessing over someone day and night is a fairly temporary feeling that generally doesn't last after a year or two I read somewhere the obsessing, weak knees, separation depression, etc stage only lasts years because at that point, traditionally, a child would already have been born and entering the toddler stage, thus evolution doesn't care anymore and there's no selection pressure to keep up the feel good endorphins past that stage. The first quality you mention about her is her physical appearance. What happens when that fades? This is disturbing. I know that "men fall in love with their eyes", but after however many years you've been together, if that's still the first quality you think of about her, then it doesn't bode well for the future. But mostly, I agree with zoomorphic. If you have to ask, then the answer is pretty much "break up". Because if the answer was "marry", you'd know beyond a shadow of a doubt. I married my best friend and we rarely fight maybe four or five times in 19 years , we're ridiculously in love, and I cannot imagine my life without him. On the other hand, he drives me crazy in little ways almost every day, I don't have butterflies when I see him anymore; I did in the beginning , and there are aspects of his personality that I've had to come to terms with he's much more introverted than I am which makes it difficult at times to have a social life with him. So you can find someone you're head-over-heels about but you must realize that those feelings don't last forever. Those crazy, heart-pounding emotions evolve into deep contentment and feelings of comfort over time. I think it would be exhausting to have crazy-in-love, obsessed feelings about someone day in, day out, for years and years and years. This needs repeating. Break up! Was that the ring? Was I finally being chosen? And he was right. I wanted marriage because I wanted something else—I was tired of my life. I wanted something fun, something that would elevate me above my boring day-to-day existence. And that is a horrific reason to get married and that man did me the greatest favor in the world by not proposing to me. Because then we broke up and I was forced to find other ways to alleviate my boredom. I started taking classes, writing, and performing. I found in myself a worth beyond marriage. And then I met someone who wanted to marry me with the same fervor that I wanted to marry him and we got married. Weddings are loud and expensive stress balls..

If that's really something that's bothering you, I think you and her aren't meant to be. Love is about accepting other people's faults and loving them for who they truly are. No matter who you marry, that person will end up being wrinkly and ugly in 40 years. I don t want to marry my girlfriend what I can deduct, you love her a lot and she has a kind heart.

Try and look past her appearance, and love her for who she is. If your in a relationship just shy of 6 years. Loving,caring,honest and respectful to one another. What time would you think youd get married? Ive seen time passing and its not going any slower.

It starts to move alot faster as you grow older. We've both discussed being married numerous times. Im see more going anywhere and as far as I know neither is he. Patience is hard but ive been very patient. I love this man with all my heart. Need you to advise and looking for some input please.

I met my gf 3 years ago. People love her and keep telling me how lucky I am to be with her. She is the only child in her family. Her family is wealthy and Im not at her level financially, and they offered us a house. I m 29 and she is Last year, she started pushing about marriage. I wasn't ready for this big step, because I never thought of getting this far in any I don t want to marry my girlfriend before. I love her and always wanted to make her happy, and really consider her a unique person.

My only concern is about her physical appearance. I think she is cute but not enough so I get married to her.

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I m a well looking man and always assumed that I will end up marrying a better looking woman. I know I sound very materialistic, boyish and immature, but this has been frustrating me so much.

We got engaged a year ago. And planning for our wedding next summer. But I m still hesitating. I faced her with truth and told her everything. She doesn't' like that I don't' find her very attractive, but that didn't' stop her from loving me and continuing the plan of marriage. She is very excited about marriage, and always pushing a step further. I m afraid to lose her, because I love her, and because I don t want to marry my girlfriend consider her so unique, and I don t want to marry my girlfriend, and because of her good financial situation, we don't have to worry about money a lot.

I am afraid I don t want to marry my girlfriend I lose her, never find a unique woman like her. On the other hand, I don't find her very attractive, and I don't' want to spend my entire life looking around for more beautiful women!

We tried to take a short time break, so I think clearly,but the reasons are still there so it didn't work out. And she told me if I consider taking another break, she will end up the relationship, because she is sick of my hesitation. She doesn't want to delay our wedding preparations, and I keep thinking if her physical appearance should be an obstacle in our way.

This post is great, I feel like I learned a lot from all of you. I just had big fight regarding this issue with my Sexy blonde feet toes. But i guess similar to many couples who have left their comments, he is simply just not ready. I found a great job right after graduating from university, we graduated together.

Another reason why I couldn't see getting married anytime soon, and I was wondering if this also has to do with him not being able to picture marriage and kids?

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If I dream about getting married, it's basically because of the tax purposes and multiple incomes. Honestly, I'll have a hard time choosing to benefit from that privilege, having known the discrimination that unmarried people face from their own families. If marriage is your ultimate reason for being in a relationship, you may be rushing into something that you're not ready for. I didn't used to worry. Basically, in my experience, I witnessed young divorcees either throw themselves at new, toxic relationships out of a sense of codependency, or eschew love altogether and be extremely withholding with people they were dating. Obviously, there are no binaries in life, and not everybody fits into these two categories. But I do have serious concerns that my friends who get married young will end up in the same boat. These divorcees loved their partners, were stable in their relationships, and the reason the marriage ended was that they simply drifted apart. The previous point requires some time. But you may need more than just a couple of days to think things through. Be honest with her and tell her that you need some time to warm up to the idea. Give her a timeframe like a week or maybe even a month. Keep in mind that if you stall too much, your partner may end up feeling exhausted from all the waiting. Instead of marriage, you can move in together, you can get a joint bank account, or maybe even get a pet that you can call your baby. Does she spend too much? Are her finances out of her control? Does she seem emotionally immature? Does she count on you for all the housework? No one should be married before having this talk. The relationship assessment talk allows you to discuss where you are in a relationship. Have you both grown together? Can you take care of each other? At the moment I am having some space to work out these issues in my head. I do not feel very secure as to my place in his future. Any ideas what I should do? I am in my early 20's and he is approaching We have a very good relationship with each other. We both have good jobs, we have a mortgage and house together and are generally very happy. We often get complimented on our relationship by others. We have both discussed the future and we both agree that we would like children in the distant future. At the moment we would like to just be happy as we are together. The problem is marriage. I would like to be married before I have children. I have no logical reasoning for this, it's just something I really want. However my boyfriend doesn't see the point. He has said that if it is really that important to me, that in time we can get married, but I feel uneasy about this. I don't want to force him into marriage because I know it's not what he wants, and I also don't want to get married to someone who doesn't see the values in it. I feel that I would struggle to deal with the idea that I'd be married to someone who doesn't really want to be married at all. We both love each other very much, and I think we're both willing to sacrifice our views to make the other happy. I just have this niggling feeling that neither of us should have to give up on what we really want out of life to make the other happy. This has really been confusing me. My heart really wants to stay in this relationship, but my head is telling me that either of us sacrificing what we want will just make us unhappy in the long run. I appreciate that he is willing to make the step to make me happy, I just don't think it's something he should really have to do. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. My boyfriend is telling me that when we were together for two years he wanted to marry me. Unfortunaltey I went overboard with looking for a ring and trying to find the perfect ring. He felt what he was offering wasnt good enough ring. Currently at four years my mother is mentally ill. His mother has picked up with his dad and moved to another country. He says he wishes we had gotten married two years ago. Now he says he doesn't feel the same way about getting married. He currently doesn't want to marry me. I spend everyday with this man. I give him all of my time as much as I can spare but I feel that what I am doing is not enough to make him feel like he used to about me. Sadly I feel like I have ruined things. But I would love to marry this man I feel he is the right person for me and he makes me so happy. I am not sure how to make him feel the way he did about me 2 years ago. He says that we have a lot of family problems his mother is older now and she wants to live by herself while his father comes back to the states. He is worried that something will happen to her and that is why he wants to go see her for 2 months. I am not very happy about this but its not in my hands. I honestly don't know what to do. My ex-boyfriend is 35 and I am We have been dating for 1 year. I wanted to start a family but I didn't want to push him. Last month I found out I was pregnant but he said he wanted to make some changes to his career and we had to get my pregnancy aborted. He wants us to be together after the abortion and I still think about him all the time. Do you think I should move on or get back with him? Well im in a situation. Im a 30 yr old guy who has been married before. I didnt really want to but i did it anyway. To be honest you ladies pressure us so much on this. Anyway im divorced now and in a different relationship. She has a son who might as well be mine too. She is always talking about getting married. But as far as im concerned im not too sure i ever wanna do it again. I know the dreams you ladies have. The dress and that day are whats so important. Once the day is over its over. You cant say its because of commitment. As far as im concerned you should be committed to anyone that you are dating. My gf has told me i have 2 yrs to propose or she's gone. I told her i wasnt going to be pressured like that or threatend. I love her very much and her and our son mean everything to me but ive been divorced now for about 2 yrs. Im not ready. Im not really writing to ask a question. Im just saying how i feel. Ladies marriage doesnt guarantee your guy will be faithful. If he's not when your dating then marriage wont change it. Dont let your family pressure you to pressure us. When my gf's parents start doing that theyre in for a rude awakining. Promise rings are a freakin joke too. Maybe it depends on who your with too. If it was the right person maybe id be pumped to do it again. Im not trying to be a jerk im just saying how frustrating it is when were pressured. Im 30 and my gf is We have two young kids together and live together and the money is all together but he still says hes not ready. He once did propose but we kinda broke it off and he still hasn't put the ring back on. He says hes not ready to be married. Its been almost 2 years since we broke it off. We both agree its not far to either one to give into the other one. What should we do?? Well im only 19 here, and ive been with my bf for 7 months now and we talked about marrige and my bf dont want to get married ever and he dont want kids either.. Well i have a life time till the time comes, who knows This has never been a subject I really cared about untill my family started bringing it up Hi, i am glad that i find out this page where you can share your stories. I am in a relationship for three and a half years and there was a time when i wanted marriage at that time i was only 19 years old and love, marriage everything was like a dream to me. But today as the days passed and i came to know the real world and also realised that my BF doesn't earn anything not a single penny Though i will say it's his bad luck because he tries a lot to get a job, and works hard too but today he wants us to get married but i am not sure about marriage as i dont see a safe future. I am very confused wat to do, i love him a lot but i don't think marriage can only bring you together we meet everyday, go out, go for long weekends so we are together it's just staying with each one's family. Can anyone suggest what should i do as i feel like crying whenever i think about future. I just had my 33 birthday,my bf took me to a very nice place for a long weekend, everything was great, apart from he didn't want to tell me where he was taking me to,so it was a Surprise birthday weekend away. When I came back, many of my friends rang me and they thought the surprise was a ring as birthday present, and the people in the office were also teasing me about it. I am very frustrated. He is 35, we have been together for nearly 5 years. About 2 years ago, I was asking him about the future plan, the answer I got wasn't great, we were on the edge of breaking up and I eventually stepped back as I think I may have pushed him too much. We are great together,we love each other. However the pressure from family and friend really stress me out. I know I shouldn't get stress about this, but they keep asking about our relationship all the time. Sometimes make me feel like want to shout at them and tell them to Shut up, and mind their own business. I think the reason for me to get so angry is that I don't know the answer, they should ask my bf, not me. But I am really confused now, I thought I want to get married, but I just don't see myself walking down the aisle, I don't know is this just because he doesn't give me any confidence about our future or I can't do it with anyone. Another thing is his father passed away 5 month ago, he was only over 60s. And my Bf's health isn't great neither, he pretty much looks like his Dad, and someone dead in work, he was only over 40s, left with his wife and young kids. I am so afraid and worried that will be me after number of years if we got married. I have been very down since our weekend away, he keep asking me what's wrong with me but I don't know how to say to him yet, I am very confused. I really don't know what do I want, but I know what he doesn't want. Probably what I wrote here doesn't make any sence as I am in tears when I think about it. Four months ago I came here asking for guidance as I was in deep emotional pain for the loss of a relationship with a non-commital man. I would like to thank you very much because your words were so important in a moment of extreme heartache. Now my grief is finally over after eleven months and I have found myself again: I feel free and whole and happy at last. No, I have not found another man yet, but I am pretty sure I am much better equipped to recognize a much better match. To all of you women and men out there who are enduring pain because of a non-commital partner: I'm really stuck. Me and bf been together 6 years- he always said he wanted the same things as me marriage, kids etc even jokingly would get down on one knee and would ask questions like what type of ring would I like? More recently we talked about getting a house together- I was living at his flat for the last 3 years. We argued and I was stressed that he wasn't really telling me what he wants- not communicating! Then we agreed to compromise and start saving for a house and see where we were up to by next year- were not particularly financially sound either of us so then a months later he's sulking and withholding affection - I thought it was because I booked a hol withe the girls and he thought I was a hypocrite which may be true, spending money on hols. Then out of the blue he wants a break! I had to move out back to mum and dads- I'd told him that I wanted a commitment coz I was afraid of the rug being pulled out from under my feet, and he does it! So I waited a week then said- you obviously want to break up- he said he'd made a mistake and wanted to put ms on his morgage but then hesitated bout me moving my stuff back in- wanted to to out on dates first. I broke things off coz he was obviously still unsure and I don't think he should have to settled for me or say things like- "I think after 6 years we owe it to give it another chance". In between my distress I messed up my pill dates and he slept with me even though I was crying the whole time now I'm pregnant- not told him. What to do now?!!! I just want to say that everything about not convincing the other party into marriage is sage advice. My bf of 3 years I thought was The One. Until last night, when he said that he didn't see our future. We had broken up once before a year ago, and when he came crawling back to me, I thought he was serious. The part I don't get is that he had been really great lately- everything indicating that he was looking to the future, too. He even bought me a computer for my birthday less than 3 weeks ago. He had put up with my overprotective family a lot this past year, so I don't get why it felt as if he was acting with me for the past few months. I'm overly emotional, as it was less than 24 hours ago that this hit me, but I just need some clarity and closure. Everyone I know thought we were headed to marriage- and soon. Last night hit me like a brick. Hi Veronica, I am amazed with your advice.. I'm hoping you can shed some light on my situation. She and her family is pressuring into getting married. I feel that im not yet ready for the committment. Not sure if she isnt the one or i have a committment issue. We were engaged last year and broke it off 2 months later because she didnt get along with my sisters and that sparked a huge fight. Im scared to lose her because shes such a good girl, but at the same time i want to make sure im making the right decision. I am 32 years old. I was married for six years and had two children from that marriage. Unfortuatley, my husband died in a tragic car accident. This was four years ago. I am now in a relationship with a 36 year old man and we're going on 1 year and 8 months. He has never been married and has no children. I have fallen in love with this man and he says he's deeply in love with me. He is good to me and my children. He has his own home and a good job. I too have my own house, im going to school and have my own job. We seem to have a good relationship, but he has told me more than once that he's not ready for a "commitment" meaning marriage. He does say he wants children of his own soemday and i too would like at least one more child but he says that hes not thinking about all that just yet. This confuses me at times becuse theres times when he says things like when "we have a kid" and "when we get married". So i dont know what to think. I know what I want and life has taught me that life truly is short. I want the whole family life again. I want to be married but more specifically i want to marry this man. He has been a positive influence in my life. But these past few months i havent been truly happy. Knowing that he's still not sure if im "the one" hurts to the core, especially when i feel that he is "the one" for me. Im not the type to pressure anyone but this just feels like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Hes said it himself that he realizes he's being selfish but he also cant see his life without me. He says we need to take it day by day. I recently agreed to do that with the condition we bring up this subject again once we hit our 2 year mark. He said that was fair. Im just not sure what waiting for the 2 year mark is going to do or what exactly im waiting for. Sometimes i feel as if i cant go on with someone who is not as sure about me as i am about him especailly at our age!! He can have kids forever whereas us women cant. Plus, i have two kids to think about. They have gotten really attached to him and that scares me too knowing that he might not be around someday because "he wasnt ready" What do you think i should do? Wait around or just call it quits now Do you think he's wasting my time? I believe my kids and i have been through enough to be played with emotionally What do you believe? Please some advice I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years. He is 27, I am Right now we are long distance with little chance of being in the same city in the future due to our jobs military though we would have more chance if we were to get married. He says he is not ready but he does want a future with me. I just want a sign of commitment. It is so hard being long distance. What keeps playing in my mind is that last year he broke up with me because he needed to experience things on his own. Then 2 months later he deeply regretted it and new he wanted me in his life more than anything. He was serious about me. I don't have a promise ring, or property together. We do have a phone plan in his name, he pays the bill. He is very generous with his money. He is a wonderful man, whenever we do have weekends together it is fantastic. But I keep thinking, we will never be posted together unless we marry, and what if he changes his mind again and breaks up with me again? I am getting very clucky, plus I want us to be together again, I don't really want to be in a long distance relationship until he feels ready. My family and friends think I should end it. But I love him. I don't know how long to wait for him. With all do respect to the person above, this is not India. This America! You scared her off.. Get to know someone, and allow them to get to know you before purposing. First of all, a wonderful site. I really appreciate. I read down this page from top to bottom this night. It is Doesn't mean I didn't love my husband and doesn't mean I didn't want to marry him. I had the same doubts when I went to college. I was really afraid I had made the wrong choice in college. I really thought maybe I shouldn't go. But then I went and it was the exact right college for me. I had the same doubts after my first week of experiencing fetal kicks. Lots of doubts about it. Life changes come with doubts. Saying someone will not have doubts is very much a part of the Hollywood myth that is affecting the asker. Real people have doubts about almost anything even doubts about making the right decision, whatever that may be under whatever circumstances. It's not an issue of having or not having doubts, but the conclusions come to when the doubts are processed. In the case of my marriage freak out, my friend reminded me how much I love my husband, how good he is to me, how good I am for him, and how he had been together for so long that if things weren't good, she would certainly have known because she knew just about everything about us since she was a friend of both of us. Have you ever really been in love? Has a relationship ever made you weak in the knees, after the initial puppy-love phase, that is? It is possible that you're hoping for love beyond the capacity you possess to feel or share. Hopefully not My flip answer is that given the choices you've laid out you should break-up because I think you have a silly idea of what marriage should be. Don't feel bad though, you aren't the only one with such silly ideas, as evidence by some of these other comments Don't marry someone unless you're willing to bet the farm on being unbelievably happy with them, and vice versa. How about this instead: Don't marry someone unless you're willing to bet the farm that you can get past not being unbelievably happy with them, and vice versa. Life brings both joy and sadness, and sometimes both at the same time. Being married, to me, means sticking with each other through bad as well as good which isn't to say I don't think there aren't plenty of good reasons for divorce. For me, it comes down to this: What you have right there is the foundation for growing closer and closer. I'm not "in love" with her as we would define it. The first three items in this list are Hollywood BS, but I think the last two are red flags. If you don't miss your girlfriend when she's gone, and you don't find anything particularly special about going on vacation with her, it doesn't sound like you're invested enough in the relationship to make it a life partnership. I don't usually miss her when she's away. This really jumped out at me. True, marriage is not all sunshine and roses, but wanting to be with someone is the foundation of any type of relationship. Can you really say you want to be with her if it makes no difference if she is even there? Apologizing if I haven't read carefully enough, but here's my question: In other words, are you withholding? Watching a bit from the sidelines? SHE deserves someone who thinks she's all that, and it may not be you. SHE deserves someone who thinks she's all that Well, good, because her boyfriend clearly does think she's "all that": We know almost nothing about what their relationship is actually like. We can pile on the guy for expressing some rather trite doubts about it, but some of the comments here seem to be leaping to the "break up" conclusion simply because the OP 1 brought it up and 2 isn't perfect. Of course, the idea that "she deserves" to have a perfect boyfriend when none of us know anything about her is as much a Hollywood fantasy as anything the OP said. At the time of posting, zoomorphic's "break up" has 36 favourites, whereas Halloween Jack's "marry! So, as you can see, even the MeFi community is pretty split evenly. It's always interesting whenever one of these type of questions come up. This marry or break up question will be posted by a man and almost always a man , who has been in a relationship for a long time, but can't bring himself to commit to the final step. From what I can tell, the man always ends up breaking up and is usually happier for it. Or a similar type of question is posted a man who has been in similar situations to yours and ended up marrying, but years later, committed infidelities or is very strongly attracted to someone else. Love shouldn't be like the movies, but look at the couples who are happily married around you, those who have been married for a good number of years. My parents have been married for 25 years and they still flirt with each other thankfully, not when I'm around. Marriage should be something that you commit with your whole entire heart, something you are fundamentally happy and deeply satisfied with. Marriage is a commitment that you WANT to engage in. Whether you don't have sufficient emotional maturity for marriage yet, or whether this girl is not right for you at all, whether this is a temporary or permanent feeling, you are clearly not ready for marriage. Wait, maybe even break up, and see whether you feel differently. Either way, you will have your answer. I am twice divorced. I say "yuck" because I am a romantic and I never wanted to get divorced once, much less twice. What moiraine said is true, but I did commit to it with my "whole entire heart", both times. In my most recent marriage, I literally went past any reasonable bounds in trying to keep us together. I went too far, trying, to be honest. I was spat on for my efforts, made to feel the fool. Yet, on the marriage front I am a big loser. We must be insensitive assholes, you see. Maybe we are. For me marriage doesn't work, at least so far. People change, people lie, blah blah blah. If I was convinced it could be a storybook marriage, I'd propose right now to my current girlfriend. She lives with me, she's great, she's not like my ex-wives, but it is not going to happen. I wish it would, but If she leaves me because I won't propose, I'll be sad. Not as sad as if I'd married her, but truly sad. In other words, why mess with something that is working? You are happy, she is happy, why add the stress of marriage? There are very few tax advantages, it sounds like she's not going to leave you, why mess with it? Marriage isn't necessarily stressful. In fact, marriage can make your life less stressful. Invoke, I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. I think marriage and the idea of marriage is getting a pretty bad rap when it could be a great thing, provided everyone is on the same page or desires to get on the same page. I've been married for two years. My husband and I are best friends, and I think that's what makes our marriage work. We just enjoy hanging out together, and the rest is just icing on the cake. There's times when we'd trade each other for a Diet Coke if we could. But at the end of the day, he's the one I want to be with forever. We complete one another. I never got the 'weak in the knees' feeling with him either, and I don't think he did with me. We just knew we wanted to be together for good. I hate to sound cliched, but you really do 'just know'. Even if you're terrified of it deep down. We even fought on our honeymoon mainly from being so tired from wedding stress , but never once did I think "Oh no, what have I done? Because we knew there would be good and bad days from the get-go. I think if anyone waits for the butterflies feeling, they'll be waiting a loooong time and will want to bail as soon as it's gone. I have to call selection bias on this one. Men who are happy in a relationship are not going to be posting questions about it, so you will never see them as data points. Really, what would they ask? What should I do? In your own words: If you know yourself well enough and want to and know that you can stay with her, then why not? I was using his own words about her and his own description of how he feels. He says all these great things about her, yet these feelings of not-in-love have been "torturing" him for five years. That's five years of, in his words, torture. And he did not say how long he's actually been in this relationship, only that he's felt this way for five years, and that leaving her would be the right thing to do. As for the perfect boyfriend, I don't think anyone's suggested he needs to be perfect. Of course that isn't realistic. But I feel bad for this girl if she thinks he's in love with her, while all he can think about while she's away is how much he doesn't miss her, and all he can think about while they go on trips together is how much he isn't cherishing his time with her. He sees movies that feature intense love stories and wonders why his relationship isn't like that. He is being tortured by these feelings. I sure as hell wouldn't want to be with a guy who feels that way about me. You know, thanks to the horrible relationship models that Hollywood has provided us, you may not able to see how good you have it. Hollywood, capitalist culture always tell us we should want more, we should strive to get the best, blah blah. We have so few good, healthy relationship models in this culture. I feel like you may have succumbed to this kind of thinking and may not totally appreciate what you have. But you should really have a talk with her about all this. On another hand, maybe you need some time to be out of a relationship to grow on your own and get to know yourself better. I believe that healthy relationships are based on knowing what your needs are, accepting the extent that your partner can meet them, understanding your partner's needs, and being willing to meet theirs. It is also about intimacy, the process of being known and knowing someone else. I've come to this understanding through my experiences with relationships and this dysfunctional, relationship-addictive culture, but haven't had experience in a long-term, healthy relationship yet, just FYI. OP, this is a good point. You write with a lot of hyperbolic emotion, and I can see why you're so confused--are you naturally attracted to drama or fantasy?.

Hi Veronica, this is a great post, and I'm wondering what you would have I don t want to marry my girlfriend say about my situation. I'm 23 and my bf is 26, and we've been together for about 3. We actually dated for 1 year, broke up because he click at this page moving after graduationand then got back together a year later.

The second time, because he's matured, has here much better and is more serious because we chose to get back together.

All that said, we've been discussing our future, and we have a bit of a conflict. I have always envisioned getting married and having children, and he and I have had convos discussing child-rearing, children's names, what kind of house we want, etc. He honestly goes between saying "we should get married someday" and "let's have a few kids one day" to "I am never having kids, ever. I want to live a life that wouldn't be good for raising I don t want to marry my girlfriend and I don't want to be that responsible to anyone.

Now we've been discussing how, because I want a family and he often does not, it doesn't seem like we can have a future together though he has said repeatedly that he would date me forever and be committed to me, just sans kids or a wedding. Part of this is also the idea that having a family implies a desire to be settled down in I don t want to marry my girlfriend stable life in one place, while he wants to travel and move around depending on where his work takes him. I don't know if I should walk away now, assuming that he will never truly want those things and I don t want to marry my girlfriend move on, or if perhaps he will settle on the side of himself that says he does want kids and marriage.

The changing his mind is what gets me - if he were adamant that he never wanted kids and never, ever said otherwise, I would know to let this go which would still be sad, because we get along incredibly well, are very close and very in love. Is it wishful thinking to hope that as he ages he will come to want to settle down? Or is it possible since he's only 26 and could very well think differently when he's 30?

I should note that at 23, I do not want to get married any time soon - we've talked about marriage and a future in the context of sweet, romantic conversations rather than a serious discussion involving financial and logistic planning, because that stage of our lives is still years off. It seems silly to me to give up a relationship that makes me very happy when we're not discussing our mismatched visions of the future and inevitable breakup because of the issue of marriage and children when I do not want those things for another 5 years at least.

How long should I wait before it IS reasonable to walk away so that I can find someone whose ideas about a future are compatible with mine?

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Or, is there a usual age where men decide they do want a family? Are we just too young to be discussing this and should we let it go and try to ignore it? I have been with my boyfriend for two years and we have been living together for about a year and a half. Most everything is great! We don't fight over small stuff and love each others family. The problem is I cant tell if hes just waiting for a better time to pop the question or if he is just making up excuses.

I really want to get married now, but its not something i want to have to convince him of I dont expect him to ask today, or even tomorrow. I was just wondering if you think he is on the right track to asking of should i pack up and move on? Thank you so much for posting these. I am 22 and so is my boyfriend. We have now been dating for 3 years. We brok up 2 years ago for a few months because he thought he wanted to be single but he came right back saying he messed up and i am the only one for him.

We are very happy together we live with each other in a one bedroom apartment. But he still has about another year before he is done so it will be while before that happens. He always talks about us getting married and have kids and he says he at least wants to wait untill I don t want to marry my girlfriend is done with school before I don t want to marry my girlfriend get engaged.

I totally agreee with this but but the part the scares me is he also says he is no where near ready right now and not sure when he will be. I have had many boyfriends and i know he is the one. And i am willing to I don t want to marry my girlfriend another year or two for him but im scared that after the year or two he still wont be ready.

I know we are only 22 and he is still in school. But do u think we have a chance or is he just to scared to break it off? I need some advise, I have been driving myself to depression thinking about this for a few months now, I have read through all the comments here and thought i would share my situation. August was my "anniversary" me and my boyfriend have now been together for just over 5 years, during that time he has always said he wanted to make me his wife and im his perfect girl and he wants to marry me.

However we have been living together in a flat for nearly a I don t want to marry my girlfriend now and we have had a few problems but nothing really bad to make us want to split up. Recently though Read more have noticed that whenever somebody mentions a ring or engagement he will shrug it off or joke about it or for example.

Our friend asked us if he was getting me a ring for christmas the other day and she barely finished the sentence before he said "NO" no yes, no maybe, but a loud NO. I just sat there and welled up. A few months ago he said he couldn't afford a ring and now he says he has the money but doesn't want to yet. I feel completely led on and i feel like he is just stringing me along until something better comes his way.

Ok hes I don t want to marry my girlfriend great boyfriend but I feel that if he doesn't want I don t want to marry my girlfriend even just get engaged now what hope is there for marriage and kids? I feel like he is having second thoughts I don t want to marry my girlfriend wanting to be with me for the rest of his life. S we are both 24 years old. He has his career sorted, knows what hes doing in life and me. I have a job so I dont completely live off him.

I do the shopping every week etc I'm 25 and my boyfriend of 3. We've lived together now for 2 years. I'm a recent new graduate RN and he has a great career with financial stability. I love him deeply and have never been more certain that he is the person for me and vice versa. I've wanted to get married for about a year or so but my boyfriend has been honest with me and said he's not ready for that yet.

So, about months ago I accepted that it just isn't our time yet and tried to embrace our relationship and enjoy the present. It has been really I don t want to marry my girlfriend. I thought I was truly ok with pushing the idea of marriage off the plate for the time being. However, tonight, I found out that my little I don t want to marry my girlfriend just purchased an engagement ring for his girlfriend of one year and will be proposing in the next couple of weeks.

I completely broke down and cried my eyes out when I got home. This, of course, made my boyfriend feel pretty terrible. I'm now feeling stuck. If I'm honest with myself, deep down, I do really want to get married. But, now I've gone and stirred the pot and added unwanted pressure to my relationship. I don't want to pressure our relationship to take a step that we are both not ready for, but I feel I did just that by my actions. But at the same time, I don't want to disregard my feelings and where my head and heart are at.

For me I am now 28yrs goin on 29 and my boyfriend is 33 goin on 34, we have been together for 4years and although at the very begining of the relationship he knew i wanted a family life he have always said when the time is right for him based on his career. I have fertility problems and desperately wants to at least try to have a baby as it's my dream, passion and goal to have a family life.

I have put my dreams of getting married and living with him aside as he click to see more to leave home and his family hates me, we have no future with him staying there. He doesn't want to rent, he thinks only stupid people rent, he talks about building a house on land his mother told me i am not allowed on. I love him so much yet i don't want to resent him for something i feel, if i want a baby i should be the one to try and forget him.

Me I'm 24 and my bf he's 25 have been dating 18 months, and living together for 6, I have a 2 year old from a previous relationship his father has no involvement whatsoever. Before my bf moved in with me and my son I had asked him fairly early see more in the relationship what his views were on marriage and having children I explained to him I thought it was important to talk about this incase our opinions were completely different and he told me he didnt see himself getting married 'for a very long time' but yes somewhere down the line.

I told him I wouldn't be up for having a long distance relationship way too confusing for my son for starters so it's been forgotten about now. The other thing was last week he left a quote by the comedian George Carlin on his Facebook page which said:. Could it be that "I do" is the click here sentence? Do you continue reading he's trying to tell me something??

Or am I reading into things too much? I am totally in love with my bf and I would be so happy to spend the rest of my life with him, and he's awesome with my son, he's told me he loves him even, we have so much in common and were brought up with the same morals and values. I want to have marriage on the cards soon, do you think I should wait it out, or do you think with the things I've mentioned above there is no hope of a proposal?

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Amber sexxam Watch Video Ashwarai Xxxx. Rugby League. Geoffrey Macnab. Tech news. Tech culture. News videos. Explainer videos. Sport videos. Money transfers. Health insurance. Money Deals. The Independent Books. Voucher Codes. Minds Articles. Subscription offers. Subscription sign in. If marriage is your ultimate reason for being in a relationship, you may be rushing into something that you're not ready for. I didn't used to worry. Basically, in my experience, I witnessed young divorcees either throw themselves at new, toxic relationships out of a sense of codependency, or eschew love altogether and be extremely withholding with people they were dating. Obviously, there are no binaries in life, and not everybody fits into these two categories. But I do have serious concerns that my friends who get married young will end up in the same boat. These divorcees loved their partners, were stable in their relationships, and the reason the marriage ended was that they simply drifted apart. And you may not want to put up with that — especially if your significant other isn't willing to step in and help. Physical cheating is sometimes a big sign someone isn't marriage material. But emotional cheating counts, too. However, emotional cheating, where you emotionally connect with someone more deeply than you do with your partner and, usually complain about your partner [to] , often happens without noticing," certified counselor Jonathan Bennett tells Bustle. If your partner has somebody they care about a little too much on the side, marriage may not be a good idea. And this is true vice versa — if you find yourself connecting more with someone who isn't your partner, you may want to reconsider marriage. A marriage is a partnership between two people who have their own lives outside the relationship. Or, at least that's a great way to maintain a healthy partnership between the two of you. I thought I was truly ok with pushing the idea of marriage off the plate for the time being. However, tonight, I found out that my little brother just purchased an engagement ring for his girlfriend of one year and will be proposing in the next couple of weeks. I completely broke down and cried my eyes out when I got home. This, of course, made my boyfriend feel pretty terrible. I'm now feeling stuck. If I'm honest with myself, deep down, I do really want to get married. But, now I've gone and stirred the pot and added unwanted pressure to my relationship. I don't want to pressure our relationship to take a step that we are both not ready for, but I feel I did just that by my actions. But at the same time, I don't want to disregard my feelings and where my head and heart are at. For me I am now 28yrs goin on 29 and my boyfriend is 33 goin on 34, we have been together for 4years and although at the very begining of the relationship he knew i wanted a family life he have always said when the time is right for him based on his career. I have fertility problems and desperately wants to at least try to have a baby as it's my dream, passion and goal to have a family life. I have put my dreams of getting married and living with him aside as he refuses to leave home and his family hates me, we have no future with him staying there. He doesn't want to rent, he thinks only stupid people rent, he talks about building a house on land his mother told me i am not allowed on. I love him so much yet i don't want to resent him for something i feel, if i want a baby i should be the one to try and forget him. Me I'm 24 and my bf he's 25 have been dating 18 months, and living together for 6, I have a 2 year old from a previous relationship his father has no involvement whatsoever. Before my bf moved in with me and my son I had asked him fairly early on in the relationship what his views were on marriage and having children I explained to him I thought it was important to talk about this incase our opinions were completely different and he told me he didnt see himself getting married 'for a very long time' but yes somewhere down the line. I told him I wouldn't be up for having a long distance relationship way too confusing for my son for starters so it's been forgotten about now. The other thing was last week he left a quote by the comedian George Carlin on his Facebook page which said:. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? Do you think he's trying to tell me something?? Or am I reading into things too much? I am totally in love with my bf and I would be so happy to spend the rest of my life with him, and he's awesome with my son, he's told me he loves him even, we have so much in common and were brought up with the same morals and values. I want to have marriage on the cards soon, do you think I should wait it out, or do you think with the things I've mentioned above there is no hope of a proposal? Please help. I must say I am truly disappointed in myself for getting into this situation and I despise myself for being one of those sterotypes that will do anything to marry their bf. I will confess here I want it badly. You see, Veronica, I am now 37 and my SO yeah he's a guy but I feel so funny calling him my "boyfriend" is We have both been married before, he has no children from his previous marriage and I came into the relationship with three. We have been together 6 years and cohabitating for five. He has a very lucrative career and I had a good career as well. We have a child together who is almost two. When I was pregnant I got very ill and spent much of the time in the hospital. During this time we wanted to move to a larger place about 20 mins away but over the state line. Since it was over the state line my ex took issue with it and sued me for custody. He lost but I agreed for my oldest who was in high school to stay with him to finish his two years. My SO also convinced me to drop child support because we didn't need it and brought up the subject of me staying home permanently after the baby was born. I had reservations but the biggest one was health insurance. I have health issues; nothing life threatening but maintenance was needed. After the baby was born I called my employer to discuss options and found out my group had been moved 50 miles further to make my commute 80 miles, so that was that. I had a good amount of savings and we were all very happy in our new life. Little by little I dwindled away my savings. Daughter needed braces, I helped out finishing the basement.. I considered it investing in our future. Then he was asked to be in a friend's wedding and in my opinion these two should NOT be getting married. The reason they gave was she was getting old and her father is sick. I never really cared about getting married before but since the baby and me home taking care of the kids and house I really felt the desire. Maybe it is the insecurity of not having a job, the hormone change, who knows? The fact was I wanted to get married. He said he didn't want to marry anyone ever but he loves me and wanted me to stay. Then it hit me I don't have a damn choice. The house is in is name it was his before we met.. I really had no choice but to make the most of it the way it is. I felt trapped and tied down with an infant. So after a few weeks of depression I decided to make myself happy in other ways. I joined a gym and did a diet program. I also started volunteering with the kids' organizations and have been happy for a while I brought up the marriage thing again, but I admit much more rationally this time and still got the same answer. Really in my mind how will our lives change? I don't want a wedding. My day consists of taking care of the kids, the house, and laundry. Not to mention I pick out his clothes and pack for him when he travels. I am on his arm at all the functions looking elegant: I have to say in the past 6 years he catapulted from lower management to senior management in a fortune company in the past 5 years. While most of it is his merit a lot of that has to do with the life I gave him. Sorry I digress, but what I need is his goddam health benefits!!!! I truly think I deserve them! So he is willing to spend 10g on my healthcare next year as opposed to marry me He told me to not take it personally, but how? After he signed me up he then pulled up the statements and went over what we spend and says we need to cut back and I may need to get a job because we have been spending at a deficit each month. One of the complaints was my dental bill. I got really upset and reminded him that if I had his dental insurance there wouldn't be that bill. I am in so much pain over this. I am so confused and don't know what to do. I can't leave, financially I am stuck. He is an attentive lover and a devoted father and I couldn't imagine my life without him but I admit I don't get it. There is so much more to this story as there always is. At this point I am sick, tired, and rejected. What I really need is an objective person to be painfully honest. I ask that you please be that for me. We met at work last year and we slowly started to get to know each other and started dating at the beginning of this year. About a month into the relationship she tells me she loves me, I was hesitant to say it back because I felt it was too soon. A month later she says she want to get engaged with me and that's where it all begins. I tell that it is not feasible because we have only been together for 2 months. She tells me she wont bring it up but that i should at least give it some thought. Another 3 months later she brings up the conversation again and then tones it down by saying at the very least she wants me to move in with her. We have a discussion regarding the matter where I'm saying I'm still not ready. She says that she understands because she tells me she does not want to pressure me into anything. Well about a week ago she finds how the house she lives in is being put up for sale and she's freaking out about what she's gonna do and the conversation comes up about living together and being engaged again. My dilemma is that this is my very first relationship and is too soon to move to the next level when there are so many things to thinks about. She refuses to see it that way and instead thinks I don't truly want to be with her and that if she doesn't push me that I will never be ready for marriage. I still live with my family and I have a comfort zone that i feel im not ready to move away from. I threw that last part in so that it doesn't look like she's the only one with a problem because I do love her and care for her very much and i want us to come out of this hurdle stronger. I loved your article and I felt that it had a very even look at the issues of one partner wanting to marry while the other one does not. I have seen many of my friends male and female want to marry their significant others and be rejected based on the reasoning of timing and of fear from all the prejudices they have about marriage. Lets face it, we live in a time when marriage does not offer the security that it used to. Since marriages can just as easily end as they do begin, people are beginning to equate the concept of marriage with something more than what it was intended for The concept of marriage in America is constantly under scrutiny, especially with the issue of gay marriage constantly challenging the traditional notions of the purpose of marriage. It seems to me that in the end, marriage is an agreement between two people to work together as a partnership throughout their life. Therefore, you cant really trust what you get when you step into a marriage but you must accept that no matter what you do get, you have to stay there and work to accept it or work to change it, together, forever Or, admit failure and quit. It is easy to see why some people fear the concept of marriage and why others throw themselves at it with open arms. Marriage, in many cases offers the security that no matter what, someone has to work with you. To many women the issue of male abortion is a fact that they have to deal with - the possibility of being left alone with a child by a male is a constant fear - and marriage offers a great solution to the inequalities of gender biases. To many men the issue of fidelity is a fact that they have to deal with and marriage offers a solution to this. People have just as many reasons for getting married as they have reasons for not getting married. I would have loved to see more of these reasons pointed out in the article. However, the point is that it all boils down to what you concluded The freedom to want your expectations met by your partner. I guess Im just wondering how people get into these messes in the first place? If you know who you are and what you want you should speak up about it in your relationship and if your partner does not accept you and you are unwilling to change There are plenty of fish in the sea Basically, one of you will have to conquer a fear to make it work. I love all your answers and im hoping for some advice.. I come from a very old fashioned and conservative familly im 21 my mom only talks about marriage and my dad does not believe in doing anything before marrying traveling, living together, nothing. My boyfriend is 25 and we have been together for a year in which we lived in the sam country, but now he left and is in europe with his familly, he comes from a very liberal familly his dad has been married 4 times and his mom 3 times So, hes there, im here, we have a super relationship, we complete each other because of our totally different backgrounds.. Here my friends are getting married, everyone talks about the next step because everybody is so old fashioned, and with him everybody is moving in with each other and no one talks about marriage I cant be with him unless we are married or else its throwing everything for him and probably loosing familly in the process What does this mean? Please advise me. I am divorced after 29 years, financially stable. My wife decided to leave me for another after we went through 1 year of empty nest. All I planned with a family is gone. I met a women six month later, who is a Christian like me, but I think she is very controlling. She moved in right away. We have lived together for 3 years and she wants to get married. I am afraid. She controls what we watch on the TV and does not want to go out much other than church or Dinner once in awhile. If we go shopping together I get scolded for looking at women that I do not look at. If a commercial come on the TV, with a women advertising she call her a slut and accuses me of looking. If a women drives by or walks by, my girlfriend is extremely agitated and her behavior is anger to me. I on the other hand am afraid of being alone. I am 53 she is only 3 years younger. I have not built an emotional support group accept this woman. She helps so much with the house hold duties and cooks great. She fills the roll of a wife. I pay the bills and do the work outside. I am just so afraid of losing my self. I am usually a happy outgoing man who is athletic but find myself changing. Change is good and I could always be more humble but the stress is great. I just am afraid of any grief that would come from sepparation. Its hard to explain all the facts. Anything with Hugh Grant. The ones where you fall completely in love and have a lifetime of emotional loveliness. Yes, there are fights and hard times and pain and stress, but every night, you and the love of your life will make up and look at each other, knowing the other person is the most wonderful person in the world and you pray that you will never be driven apart. THIS has been the concept that has been driven into my mind like a railroad spike. And I'm starting to somewhat doubt it. For sure, I wish with all my being for that to be the case. But now I'm confused. I have a girlfriend. She's gorgeous. I love hanging out with her and I enjoy physical aspects of our relationship. We can confide in each other and be honest with each other. We're there for each other. Basically we have an excellent friendship and a similar outlook on life. But there's something missing I love her and am committed to her, but I'm not "in love" with her as we would define it. I don't get weak in the knees, I don't think about her day and night, I don't cherish being on holiday with her, I'm don't usually miss her when she's away. When I realize this, I feel like I'm at a crossroads. I can either: Tortured by this for the last five years, I wonder, is this normal? Am I analysing too much? Or should I simply do the right thing, get my coat, move out and let us both move on? Dude, I didn't even need to read the rest of your question. When your title is "Marry or break up? Have you spent any time apart? How did it feel? Sure, there are things about my wife that I wish were different, and I know she thinks the same about me. That's natural and completely normal. But we couldn't imagine ever being apart, and that's one of the many reasons we got married. We rely on each other, failures and everything. Sounds like you've got a whole lot of physical and a little bit of emotional going on here. Physical will fade, and you'll be left with a little bit of emotional in your golden years. And you will feel very, very alone. Maybe, I, too, have drank the kool-aid, but I believe that you'd be better off discussing your feelings with her, get her point of view, and then go from there, which will probably put you on the path to b break up. The best advice I ever received about marriage came from a friend's mother. I paraphrase, but here it is: Do you trust him with your life if you become seriously ill? Is this the man you want to parent with? You've been with her for five years, the sex is still good, you still love her, and you're worried because you "don't think about her day and night"? Dude, life isn't the movies. It sounds like you are already "married" to this fine lady! Marriage is not about feeling weak in the knees or obsessing about someone day and night. I advise you to not break up! The madly-in-love feeling you describe is limerance, and it doesn't usually last past the first couple of years of a relationship. After those initial sparks begin to fade away, if you are lucky you are left with much the sort of relationship you describe with your girlfriend. Some people simply don't experience limerance. If you've had a few relationships and never felt that "crazy in love" feeling with anyone, if you've never had a major crush on anyone, then you might be a non-limerant. If so, you'd probably be perfectly content in your current relationship long-term. I am going to break away from the rest of the answers here and let you know that the only person that matters here is you. Have you been drinking from the Hollywood cool aid juice long enough that for YOU it matters to be in Absolute love? If that is the case then you may need to break up Did you ever feel like you have a crush on this person? If you did then maybe you like me are the type of person that loves that initial rush and hopes for it to stay forever.. In short I feel I am one of those persons who HAS to be in love but due to the failures I have had with those who I have felt I was "in love" and the relative success i have had with those of whom I have merely "loved" that I am taking the time to explore which one works for me I, personally, think that being weak in the knees and obsessing over someone day and night is a fairly temporary feeling that generally doesn't last after a year or two. And -- more importantly -- have you been with that person long enough, at least several years, to watch that feeling die out? If you haven't had that experience or even if you have -- what's going to happen if you do get married, and a year in you meet someone who seems great in every way AND gives you that crazy in love feeling? Getting married to your current gf sounds like a recipe for a lot of pain for everyone. Sorry, your question made me laugh. Have you talked to real people who are married and love their spouses? Realistically, if you obsess about someone day and night, you're insane and need mental help. Don't live in your daydreams. Ground yourself. Look around at real relationships. Real life doesn't generally look good compared to fantasy, but real life doesn't need to be rejected in favor of fantasy. You sound like you recognize how lucky you are. She sounds like a catch. Despite the fact that we're presented with a single fairytale image of marriage, the reality is widely varied. Here are a couple of my insights as a guy who's still happily married 17 years on: Your relationship is just one of many facets of your life. It cannot, all by itself, make you a happy, fully actualised person. Furthermore, I find that my own tendency to feel "loving" is directly linked to my moods. Often, when I'm not feeling close, I realise I am depressed about something else that has nothing to do with her. Zoomorphic's litmus test does she make you "unbelievably happy" is unfair to her and takes away your own responsibility for your happiness. You probably already know this if you've been together for 5 years, but relationships take work. People who expect it to be a breeze never end up finding the magic person who makes that true. For me, this is the biggest one: On the day when you stand there together and say words like "forever" or "always," you are slices of 4-D beings who are doomed to grow and shrink and change in all sorts of ways as time passes. Your shared view of your relationship needs to take this into account - the commitment is to allow each other to change, and learn to love the new person as the changes pile up. All of this is not to say that you should take one path or the other. But I hope it helps you choose wisely. BTW, I had that "crazy in love" feeling and ended up with the person who gave me that, but I'm so grateful I don't feel crazy like that anymore. I could barely eat. Was I finally being chosen? And he was right. I wanted marriage because I wanted something else—I was tired of my life. I wanted something fun, something that would elevate me above my boring day-to-day existence. And that is a horrific reason to get married and that man did me the greatest favor in the world by not proposing to me. Because then we broke up and I was forced to find other ways to alleviate my boredom. I started taking classes, writing, and performing. I found in myself a worth beyond marriage. Maybe the time is right for marriage, because your life goals are being met and it just feels right. Just think it over, list down the pros and cons, and who knows, you may start to warm up to the idea. The previous point requires some time. But you may need more than just a couple of days to think things through. Be honest with her and tell her that you need some time to warm up to the idea. Give her a timeframe like a week or maybe even a month. Keep in mind that if you stall too much, your partner may end up feeling exhausted from all the waiting. Instead of marriage, you can move in together, you can get a joint bank account, or maybe even get a pet that you can call your baby. Does she spend too much? Are her finances out of her control?.

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I don t want to marry my girlfriend

Chuka Ummuna. Shappi Khorsandi. Gina Miller. Ass naked big booty. I think we're good like we are. I don't want to lose her but I don't think I want to get married yet. Or ever.

11 Easy-To-Miss Signs You May Not Want To Marry Your Partner, Even If You Think They’re The One

I don't know. What should I do? The first time I read this, anon, I had only had 1 martini, and my advice was to try to reason with her. OK, maybe that's a bit hasty. Let's look at this closely. First of all, someone you're with for 2 years, that you would even entertain the thought of marrying, deserves your honesty.

You need to sit down with this chick and say it like you said it to me. You're happy with things the way they are. And you don't want to lose her. But you don't want to get married right now, and you aren't sure if that feeling is ever going to change. She should be someone that appreciates your honesty, candor, and willingness to have a conversation about this. She should hear you.

She should respect that you have the right to feel the way you do, and she should appreciate you for who you are, not who she wants to change you into being. On the flipside, you need to listen to her. Ask her why she wants to take this next step, and why she's pressuring you. She may just feel insecure. She may be better after you tell her you I don t want to marry my girlfriend want to lose her. Talk about this. Talk this through. Maybe some patience and reassurance is all either of you needs right now.

A good open dialogue does wonders for the soul, and there is nothing wrong please click for source taking a month, or 6, or a year, to be sure about what you both really want.

Anon, dear, there is a damn good chance she just has it in her mind that she is getting married. No matter I don t want to marry my girlfriend good your relationship is, she may be perfectly willing to throw it away because she wants to get married.

She may want children the old fashioned way. She may be under pressure from family. She may want a wedding more than a marriage. She may be fiercely dependant and afraid to be alone. It doesn't really matter whether or not you think they are good I don t want to marry my girlfriend, or piss-poor reasons; they are her reasons, not yours. I don't think there is anything wrong with someone wanting to get married.

Porn milfe Watch Video Chriqui nude. I wish I could turn back time and if I had the chance to get a gun and killed her, I would. Life really beat me. I give up on life. Your email address will not be published. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. By Team LovePanky. Share Tweet Pin It. Team LovePanky Flirt. Fall in Love. Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships Don't Miss this! How to Not Be Nervous about Sex. She has a certain "timeline" of when she wants to get married. To get married, we also have to look for a place to buy and stay together it is what everyone does here - there are housing policies that give young couples subsidized housing etc. To pay the downpayment and option of the house, we would both probably have to wipe out our savings. The next house viewing is in this coming Feb. However, I am not sure if I want to get married with her, because we are only 6 months into the relationship. I also have some nagging concerns that she may be wanting to get married for possibly the wrong reasons - she might be wanting to get out of her parents house because things are not so good at her place; she has always wanted to get married and from what she told me her past two relationships were very close to getting married but didn't work out. And personally, I have doubts about whether I am ready to get married at all. Her spending habits she likes branded stuff a lot also worries me. Everything about my relationship with my boyfriend is great: I wouldn't change a thing except that maybe we don't have future together? I recently asked my boyfriend if he thinks we have a future together. He replied yes we do, but that he only wants to get married when he is ready and that may be a long time down the road. About 6 years or so when he has his desired career. We're both Because that is such a long time away he said it is probably unlikely we will be together when he is ready to get married. He also said that if he were in a position where he was going to get married, he would marry me. So basically this means he doesn't care who he marries really? And Is this code for "I don't ever want to marry you"? Should I be with someone who can't imagine his life without me? Or should I be patient for a while and see how things go? I love him and I know he loves me but I just don't know what to do. I did suggest that maybe we should go our separate ways but he disagrees. He really doesn't want to break up. Although sexual attraction is an important factor in a successful relationship, I don't see how you could let her appearance be the only obstacle in your future marriage. If that's really something that's bothering you, I think you and her aren't meant to be. Love is about accepting other people's faults and loving them for who they truly are. No matter who you marry, that person will end up being wrinkly and ugly in 40 years. From what I can deduct, you love her a lot and she has a kind heart. Try and look past her appearance, and love her for who she is. If your in a relationship just shy of 6 years. Loving,caring,honest and respectful to one another. What time would you think youd get married? Ive seen time passing and its not going any slower. It starts to move alot faster as you grow older.. We've both discussed being married numerous times. Im not going anywhere and as far as I know neither is he. Patience is hard but ive been very patient. I love this man with all my heart. Need you to advise and looking for some input please. I met my gf 3 years ago. People love her and keep telling me how lucky I am to be with her. She is the only child in her family. Her family is wealthy and Im not at her level financially, and they offered us a house. I m 29 and she is Last year, she started pushing about marriage. I wasn't ready for this big step, because I never thought of getting this far in any relationship before. I love her and always wanted to make her happy, and really consider her a unique person. My only concern is about her physical appearance. I think she is cute but not enough so I get married to her. I m a well looking man and always assumed that I will end up marrying a better looking woman. I know I sound very materialistic, boyish and immature, but this has been frustrating me so much. We got engaged a year ago. And planning for our wedding next summer. But I m still hesitating. I faced her with truth and told her everything. She doesn't' like that I don't' find her very attractive, but that didn't' stop her from loving me and continuing the plan of marriage. She is very excited about marriage, and always pushing a step further. I m afraid to lose her, because I love her, and because I consider her so unique, and special, and because of her good financial situation, we don't have to worry about money a lot. I am afraid if I lose her, never find a unique woman like her. On the other hand, I don't find her very attractive, and I don't' want to spend my entire life looking around for more beautiful women! We tried to take a short time break, so I think clearly,but the reasons are still there so it didn't work out. And she told me if I consider taking another break, she will end up the relationship, because she is sick of my hesitation. She doesn't want to delay our wedding preparations, and I keep thinking if her physical appearance should be an obstacle in our way. This post is great, I feel like I learned a lot from all of you. I just had big fight regarding this issue with my boyfriend. But i guess similar to many couples who have left their comments, he is simply just not ready. I found a great job right after graduating from university, we graduated together. Another reason why I couldn't see getting married anytime soon, and I was wondering if this also has to do with him not being able to picture marriage and kids? Hi Veronica, this is a great post, and I'm wondering what you would have to say about my situation. I'm 23 and my bf is 26, and we've been together for about 3. We actually dated for 1 year, broke up because he was moving after graduation , and then got back together a year later. The second time, because he's matured, has been much better and is more serious because we chose to get back together. All that said, we've been discussing our future, and we have a bit of a conflict. I have always envisioned getting married and having children, and he and I have had convos discussing child-rearing, children's names, what kind of house we want, etc. He honestly goes between saying "we should get married someday" and "let's have a few kids one day" to "I am never having kids, ever. I want to live a life that wouldn't be good for raising kids and I don't want to be that responsible to anyone. Now we've been discussing how, because I want a family and he often does not, it doesn't seem like we can have a future together though he has said repeatedly that he would date me forever and be committed to me, just sans kids or a wedding. Part of this is also the idea that having a family implies a desire to be settled down in a stable life in one place, while he wants to travel and move around depending on where his work takes him. I don't know if I should walk away now, assuming that he will never truly want those things and just move on, or if perhaps he will settle on the side of himself that says he does want kids and marriage. The changing his mind is what gets me - if he were adamant that he never wanted kids and never, ever said otherwise, I would know to let this go which would still be sad, because we get along incredibly well, are very close and very in love. Is it wishful thinking to hope that as he ages he will come to want to settle down? Or is it possible since he's only 26 and could very well think differently when he's 30? I should note that at 23, I do not want to get married any time soon - we've talked about marriage and a future in the context of sweet, romantic conversations rather than a serious discussion involving financial and logistic planning, because that stage of our lives is still years off. It seems silly to me to give up a relationship that makes me very happy when we're not discussing our mismatched visions of the future and inevitable breakup because of the issue of marriage and children when I do not want those things for another 5 years at least. How long should I wait before it IS reasonable to walk away so that I can find someone whose ideas about a future are compatible with mine? Or, is there a usual age where men decide they do want a family? Are we just too young to be discussing this and should we let it go and try to ignore it? I have been with my boyfriend for two years and we have been living together for about a year and a half. Most everything is great! We don't fight over small stuff and love each others family. The problem is I cant tell if hes just waiting for a better time to pop the question or if he is just making up excuses. I really want to get married now, but its not something i want to have to convince him of I dont expect him to ask today, or even tomorrow. I was just wondering if you think he is on the right track to asking of should i pack up and move on? Thank you so much for posting these. I am 22 and so is my boyfriend. We have now been dating for 3 years. We brok up 2 years ago for a few months because he thought he wanted to be single but he came right back saying he messed up and i am the only one for him. We are very happy together we live with each other in a one bedroom apartment. But he still has about another year before he is done so it will be while before that happens. He always talks about us getting married and have kids and he says he at least wants to wait untill he is done with school before we get engaged. I totally agreee with this but but the part the scares me is he also says he is no where near ready right now and not sure when he will be. I have had many boyfriends and i know he is the one. And i am willing to wait another year or two for him but im scared that after the year or two he still wont be ready. I know we are only 22 and he is still in school. But do u think we have a chance or is he just to scared to break it off? I need some advise, I have been driving myself to depression thinking about this for a few months now, I have read through all the comments here and thought i would share my situation.. August was my "anniversary" me and my boyfriend have now been together for just over 5 years, during that time he has always said he wanted to make me his wife and im his perfect girl and he wants to marry me. However we have been living together in a flat for nearly a year now and we have had a few problems but nothing really bad to make us want to split up.. Recently though I have noticed that whenever somebody mentions a ring or engagement he will shrug it off or joke about it or for example. Our friend asked us if he was getting me a ring for christmas the other day and she barely finished the sentence before he said "NO" no yes, no maybe, but a loud NO. I just sat there and welled up. A few months ago he said he couldn't afford a ring and now he says he has the money but doesn't want to yet. I feel completely led on and i feel like he is just stringing me along until something better comes his way. Ok hes a great boyfriend but I feel that if he doesn't want to even just get engaged now what hope is there for marriage and kids? I feel like he is having second thoughts about wanting to be with me for the rest of his life. S we are both 24 years old.. He has his career sorted, knows what hes doing in life and me.. I have a job so I dont completely live off him. I do the shopping every week etc I'm 25 and my boyfriend of 3. We've lived together now for 2 years. I'm a recent new graduate RN and he has a great career with financial stability. I love him deeply and have never been more certain that he is the person for me and vice versa. I've wanted to get married for about a year or so but my boyfriend has been honest with me and said he's not ready for that yet.. So, about months ago I accepted that it just isn't our time yet and tried to embrace our relationship and enjoy the present. It has been really great. I thought I was truly ok with pushing the idea of marriage off the plate for the time being. However, tonight, I found out that my little brother just purchased an engagement ring for his girlfriend of one year and will be proposing in the next couple of weeks. I completely broke down and cried my eyes out when I got home. This, of course, made my boyfriend feel pretty terrible. I'm now feeling stuck. If I'm honest with myself, deep down, I do really want to get married. But, now I've gone and stirred the pot and added unwanted pressure to my relationship. I don't want to pressure our relationship to take a step that we are both not ready for, but I feel I did just that by my actions. But at the same time, I don't want to disregard my feelings and where my head and heart are at. For me I am now 28yrs goin on 29 and my boyfriend is 33 goin on 34, we have been together for 4years and although at the very begining of the relationship he knew i wanted a family life he have always said when the time is right for him based on his career. I have fertility problems and desperately wants to at least try to have a baby as it's my dream, passion and goal to have a family life. I have put my dreams of getting married and living with him aside as he refuses to leave home and his family hates me, we have no future with him staying there. He doesn't want to rent, he thinks only stupid people rent, he talks about building a house on land his mother told me i am not allowed on. I love him so much yet i don't want to resent him for something i feel, if i want a baby i should be the one to try and forget him. Me I'm 24 and my bf he's 25 have been dating 18 months, and living together for 6, I have a 2 year old from a previous relationship his father has no involvement whatsoever. Before my bf moved in with me and my son I had asked him fairly early on in the relationship what his views were on marriage and having children I explained to him I thought it was important to talk about this incase our opinions were completely different and he told me he didnt see himself getting married 'for a very long time' but yes somewhere down the line. I told him I wouldn't be up for having a long distance relationship way too confusing for my son for starters so it's been forgotten about now. The other thing was last week he left a quote by the comedian George Carlin on his Facebook page which said:. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? Do you think he's trying to tell me something?? Or am I reading into things too much? I am totally in love with my bf and I would be so happy to spend the rest of my life with him, and he's awesome with my son, he's told me he loves him even, we have so much in common and were brought up with the same morals and values. I want to have marriage on the cards soon, do you think I should wait it out, or do you think with the things I've mentioned above there is no hope of a proposal? Please help. I must say I am truly disappointed in myself for getting into this situation and I despise myself for being one of those sterotypes that will do anything to marry their bf. I will confess here I want it badly. You see, Veronica, I am now 37 and my SO yeah he's a guy but I feel so funny calling him my "boyfriend" is We have both been married before, he has no children from his previous marriage and I came into the relationship with three. We have been together 6 years and cohabitating for five. He has a very lucrative career and I had a good career as well. We have a child together who is almost two. When I was pregnant I got very ill and spent much of the time in the hospital. During this time we wanted to move to a larger place about 20 mins away but over the state line. Since it was over the state line my ex took issue with it and sued me for custody. He lost but I agreed for my oldest who was in high school to stay with him to finish his two years. My SO also convinced me to drop child support because we didn't need it and brought up the subject of me staying home permanently after the baby was born. I had reservations but the biggest one was health insurance. I have health issues; nothing life threatening but maintenance was needed. After the baby was born I called my employer to discuss options and found out my group had been moved 50 miles further to make my commute 80 miles, so that was that. In the same vein, if you find yourself complaining about the same thing over and over again in regards to your partner, it may be a sign your partner won't make a good spouse. It can help to see a therapist together, in cases like these, to get to the bottom of why your partner is having trouble making changes. But if nothing improves after that, and you'd like to move on, doing so may be the healthiest choice. Rubin says you'll feel it in your gut if something isn't quite right. And it's important to listen. If something's up with your partner, if there isn't respect or trust, or if you don't think they're all-in, listen to your gut. It may very well be right! From there, you can decide how to proceed. If your partner wants to make things work, you can work out your issues together or with a therapist. The Notebook. Anything with Hugh Grant. The ones where you fall completely in love and have a lifetime of emotional loveliness. Yes, there are fights and hard times and pain and stress, but every night, you and the love of your life will make up and look at each other, knowing the other person is the most wonderful person in the world and you pray that you will never be driven apart. THIS has been the concept that has been driven into my mind like a railroad spike. And I'm starting to somewhat doubt it. For sure, I wish with all my being for that to be the case. But now I'm confused. I have a girlfriend. She's gorgeous. I love hanging out with her and I enjoy physical aspects of our relationship. We can confide in each other and be honest with each other. We're there for each other. Basically we have an excellent friendship and a similar outlook on life. But there's something missing I love her and am committed to her, but I'm not "in love" with her as we would define it. I don't get weak in the knees, I don't think about her day and night, I don't cherish being on holiday with her, I'm don't usually miss her when she's away. When I realize this, I feel like I'm at a crossroads. I can either: Tortured by this for the last five years, I wonder, is this normal? Am I analysing too much? Or should I simply do the right thing, get my coat, move out and let us both move on? Dude, I didn't even need to read the rest of your question. When your title is "Marry or break up? Have you spent any time apart? How did it feel? Sure, there are things about my wife that I wish were different, and I know she thinks the same about me. That's natural and completely normal. But we couldn't imagine ever being apart, and that's one of the many reasons we got married. We rely on each other, failures and everything. Sounds like you've got a whole lot of physical and a little bit of emotional going on here. Physical will fade, and you'll be left with a little bit of emotional in your golden years. And you will feel very, very alone. Maybe, I, too, have drank the kool-aid, but I believe that you'd be better off discussing your feelings with her, get her point of view, and then go from there, which will probably put you on the path to b break up. The best advice I ever received about marriage came from a friend's mother. I paraphrase, but here it is: Do you trust him with your life if you become seriously ill? Is this the man you want to parent with? You've been with her for five years, the sex is still good, you still love her, and you're worried because you "don't think about her day and night"? Dude, life isn't the movies. It sounds like you are already "married" to this fine lady! Marriage is not about feeling weak in the knees or obsessing about someone day and night. I advise you to not break up! The madly-in-love feeling you describe is limerance, and it doesn't usually last past the first couple of years of a relationship. After those initial sparks begin to fade away, if you are lucky you are left with much the sort of relationship you describe with your girlfriend. Some people simply don't experience limerance. If you've had a few relationships and never felt that "crazy in love" feeling with anyone, if you've never had a major crush on anyone, then you might be a non-limerant. If so, you'd probably be perfectly content in your current relationship long-term. I am going to break away from the rest of the answers here and let you know that the only person that matters here is you. Have you been drinking from the Hollywood cool aid juice long enough that for YOU it matters to be in Absolute love? If that is the case then you may need to break up Did you ever feel like you have a crush on this person? If you did then maybe you like me are the type of person that loves that initial rush and hopes for it to stay forever.. In short I feel I am one of those persons who HAS to be in love but due to the failures I have had with those who I have felt I was "in love" and the relative success i have had with those of whom I have merely "loved" that I am taking the time to explore which one works for me I, personally, think that being weak in the knees and obsessing over someone day and night is a fairly temporary feeling that generally doesn't last after a year or two. And -- more importantly -- have you been with that person long enough, at least several years, to watch that feeling die out? If you haven't had that experience or even if you have -- what's going to happen if you do get married, and a year in you meet someone who seems great in every way AND gives you that crazy in love feeling? Getting married to your current gf sounds like a recipe for a lot of pain for everyone. Sorry, your question made me laugh. Have you talked to real people who are married and love their spouses? Realistically, if you obsess about someone day and night, you're insane and need mental help. Don't live in your daydreams. Ground yourself. Look around at real relationships. Real life doesn't generally look good compared to fantasy, but real life doesn't need to be rejected in favor of fantasy. You sound like you recognize how lucky you are. She sounds like a catch. Despite the fact that we're presented with a single fairytale image of marriage, the reality is widely varied. Here are a couple of my insights as a guy who's still happily married 17 years on: Your relationship is just one of many facets of your life. It cannot, all by itself, make you a happy, fully actualised person. Furthermore, I find that my own tendency to feel "loving" is directly linked to my moods. Often, when I'm not feeling close, I realise I am depressed about something else that has nothing to do with her. Zoomorphic's litmus test does she make you "unbelievably happy" is unfair to her and takes away your own responsibility for your happiness. You probably already know this if you've been together for 5 years, but relationships take work. People who expect it to be a breeze never end up finding the magic person who makes that true. For me, this is the biggest one: On the day when you stand there together and say words like "forever" or "always," you are slices of 4-D beings who are doomed to grow and shrink and change in all sorts of ways as time passes. Your shared view of your relationship needs to take this into account - the commitment is to allow each other to change, and learn to love the new person as the changes pile up. All of this is not to say that you should take one path or the other. But I hope it helps you choose wisely. BTW, I had that "crazy in love" feeling and ended up with the person who gave me that, but I'm so grateful I don't feel crazy like that anymore. I could barely eat. I was so giddy, I could barely focus. And I was in a master's program at the time. It was hard to study and not just go be with him. I felt like I was on drugs, and I am so glad I am not on that high anymore. I'm still in love with him, but I'm able to do things, like have a job, eat dinner, sit through a whole dinner with friends without aching to see him, focus at work, not walk in a haze until I see him again. Yes, it was that bad. I could barely sit still. I was annoying to everybody. I cringe every time I hear someone doubt their relationship because they're not "in love. MonkeyToes has it right: You're asking if you should throw away a known good for some nebulous possibility? Go and do something nice for her right now, and smack yourself for overthinking a plate of beans. I'm sure you could trust your girlfriend to take care of you if you were in the hospital. No one should ever participate in the institution unless they enthusiastically want to. No one benefits from a one-sided wedding. But why does your girlfriend want to get married so badly? There is a rumbling in our society that tells straight men that marriage will bring them low. Marriage is a trap. Wives are balls and chains. Women are the worst, and in marrying one, you tie yourself to her unending feelings, wants, and needs, mouth open, howling, always wanting more from you. She will be a bride, a glorious creature dressed in all white. You will be a groom, a man standing at the front of the church, uncomfortable and waiting for it all to end. Families also treat married partners with more respect, while simultaneously and subtly shaming single or queer folks. To add insult to injury, my family doesn't recognize my queer relationships. It's not about love. If I dream about getting married, it's basically because of the tax purposes and multiple incomes. Honestly, I'll have a hard time choosing to benefit from that privilege, having known the discrimination that unmarried people face from their own families. If marriage is your ultimate reason for being in a relationship, you may be rushing into something that you're not ready for. I didn't used to worry..

I really don't. But I also see nothing wrong with not wanting to get married. What I see as wrong, is not respecting your needs as well as respecting the needs of your I don t want to marry my girlfriend.

It's wrong when two people can't accept that they each want different things in life. She really can't expect to be able to pressure you into taking a huge life altering step that you don't want to take. But guess what, Skippy. It works both ways. The same goes for you.

Why Date Someone You're Not Going To Marry? 3 Reasons It's Totally OK

You can't expect her to give up on a huge life changing step that she wants to take. I know the marriage step is a source of many more info demise.

I've read that men marry at the right time and will make any woman the right woman when the time comes. Women marry the right guy, and will make any time the right time when the right guy comes. When a woman meets the right guy, and the guy is at the right time, the angels sing and all is right in the world. I'm not sure I believe that completely, but I see the validity in the thought. At the very least, I see that you may not be at the right time in your life for marriage.

If you take this huge step because of pressure, or to not lose her, or for any reason other than that you actually want I don t want to marry my girlfriend, then I don t want to marry my girlfriend a fool that will regret it.

I'm sorry, buddy, but that's my three martini answer. Wynn Click comment on this article, you must sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

interracial nude Watch Video Miilf tube. I found in myself a worth beyond marriage. And then I met someone who wanted to marry me with the same fervor that I wanted to marry him and we got married. Weddings are loud and expensive stress balls. After you are married, you are no longer the only person you answer to. You are no longer the only one you account for in your life decisions. You have stood up in front of everyone you hold dear and told them and the universe that this person is your mate. Marriage is a commitment beyond a one-year lease: This is a conflict without compromise. You will get married or you will break up. Is your girlfriend hinting that it may be time for you to settle down, get married, start a family, and the whole shebang? Men, hold on to your horses, because when the wedding bug has infected the mind of a woman, only the sweet sounds of wedding bells can get rid of it. You may have already done the things most single men do, but deep inside, you may not feel like marriage is right for you… maybe not yet, maybe not ever. This can stem from seeing miserable married people, people who lose themselves in their partners or the rising divorce rates. Just look at Kurt Russel and Goldie Hawn! Here are a few suggestions. The thought of marriage may have caught you off guard, and your initial instinct is to get defensive. You just got home from a stressful day, and your partner wants to talk marriage?! Once the shock has subsided, the best thing you can do is give it a little time to simmer in your noggin. Maybe your girlfriend has a point. Maybe the time is right for marriage, because your life goals are being met and it just feels right. Just think it over, list down the pros and cons, and who knows, you may start to warm up to the idea. When your title is "Marry or break up? Have you spent any time apart? How did it feel? Sure, there are things about my wife that I wish were different, and I know she thinks the same about me. That's natural and completely normal. But we couldn't imagine ever being apart, and that's one of the many reasons we got married. We rely on each other, failures and everything. Sounds like you've got a whole lot of physical and a little bit of emotional going on here. Physical will fade, and you'll be left with a little bit of emotional in your golden years. And you will feel very, very alone. Maybe, I, too, have drank the kool-aid, but I believe that you'd be better off discussing your feelings with her, get her point of view, and then go from there, which will probably put you on the path to b break up. The best advice I ever received about marriage came from a friend's mother. I paraphrase, but here it is: Do you trust him with your life if you become seriously ill? Is this the man you want to parent with? You've been with her for five years, the sex is still good, you still love her, and you're worried because you "don't think about her day and night"? Dude, life isn't the movies. It sounds like you are already "married" to this fine lady! Marriage is not about feeling weak in the knees or obsessing about someone day and night. I advise you to not break up! The madly-in-love feeling you describe is limerance, and it doesn't usually last past the first couple of years of a relationship. After those initial sparks begin to fade away, if you are lucky you are left with much the sort of relationship you describe with your girlfriend. Some people simply don't experience limerance. If you've had a few relationships and never felt that "crazy in love" feeling with anyone, if you've never had a major crush on anyone, then you might be a non-limerant. If so, you'd probably be perfectly content in your current relationship long-term. I am going to break away from the rest of the answers here and let you know that the only person that matters here is you. Have you been drinking from the Hollywood cool aid juice long enough that for YOU it matters to be in Absolute love? If that is the case then you may need to break up Did you ever feel like you have a crush on this person? If you did then maybe you like me are the type of person that loves that initial rush and hopes for it to stay forever.. In short I feel I am one of those persons who HAS to be in love but due to the failures I have had with those who I have felt I was "in love" and the relative success i have had with those of whom I have merely "loved" that I am taking the time to explore which one works for me I, personally, think that being weak in the knees and obsessing over someone day and night is a fairly temporary feeling that generally doesn't last after a year or two. And -- more importantly -- have you been with that person long enough, at least several years, to watch that feeling die out? If you haven't had that experience or even if you have -- what's going to happen if you do get married, and a year in you meet someone who seems great in every way AND gives you that crazy in love feeling? Getting married to your current gf sounds like a recipe for a lot of pain for everyone. Sorry, your question made me laugh. Have you talked to real people who are married and love their spouses? Realistically, if you obsess about someone day and night, you're insane and need mental help. Don't live in your daydreams. Ground yourself. Look around at real relationships. Real life doesn't generally look good compared to fantasy, but real life doesn't need to be rejected in favor of fantasy. You sound like you recognize how lucky you are. She sounds like a catch. Despite the fact that we're presented with a single fairytale image of marriage, the reality is widely varied. Here are a couple of my insights as a guy who's still happily married 17 years on: Your relationship is just one of many facets of your life. It cannot, all by itself, make you a happy, fully actualised person. Furthermore, I find that my own tendency to feel "loving" is directly linked to my moods. Often, when I'm not feeling close, I realise I am depressed about something else that has nothing to do with her. Zoomorphic's litmus test does she make you "unbelievably happy" is unfair to her and takes away your own responsibility for your happiness. You probably already know this if you've been together for 5 years, but relationships take work. People who expect it to be a breeze never end up finding the magic person who makes that true. For me, this is the biggest one: On the day when you stand there together and say words like "forever" or "always," you are slices of 4-D beings who are doomed to grow and shrink and change in all sorts of ways as time passes. Your shared view of your relationship needs to take this into account - the commitment is to allow each other to change, and learn to love the new person as the changes pile up. All of this is not to say that you should take one path or the other. But I hope it helps you choose wisely. BTW, I had that "crazy in love" feeling and ended up with the person who gave me that, but I'm so grateful I don't feel crazy like that anymore. I could barely eat. I was so giddy, I could barely focus. And I was in a master's program at the time. It was hard to study and not just go be with him. I felt like I was on drugs, and I am so glad I am not on that high anymore. I'm still in love with him, but I'm able to do things, like have a job, eat dinner, sit through a whole dinner with friends without aching to see him, focus at work, not walk in a haze until I see him again. Yes, it was that bad. I could barely sit still. I was annoying to everybody. I cringe every time I hear someone doubt their relationship because they're not "in love. MonkeyToes has it right: You're asking if you should throw away a known good for some nebulous possibility? Go and do something nice for her right now, and smack yourself for overthinking a plate of beans. I'm sure you could trust your girlfriend to take care of you if you were in the hospital. You're starting to somewhat doubt the drivel that Hollywood has been shoveling at us forever? Hollywood where Happy Couples like Brad and Angelina get together and raise a family? Did you forget that Brad had a wife when he supposedly fell in love with Angelina? Or maybe you mean the latest Hollywood love story of Sandra Bullock and Jesse James and his mistresses. It's how we wish love would be, but it's not. I, personally, think that being weak in the knees and obsessing over someone day and night is a fairly temporary feeling that generally doesn't last after a year or two I read somewhere the obsessing, weak knees, separation depression, etc stage only lasts years because at that point, traditionally, a child would already have been born and entering the toddler stage, thus evolution doesn't care anymore and there's no selection pressure to keep up the feel good endorphins past that stage. The first quality you mention about her is her physical appearance. What happens when that fades? This is disturbing. I know that "men fall in love with their eyes", but after however many years you've been together, if that's still the first quality you think of about her, then it doesn't bode well for the future. But mostly, I agree with zoomorphic. If you have to ask, then the answer is pretty much "break up". Because if the answer was "marry", you'd know beyond a shadow of a doubt. I married my best friend and we rarely fight maybe four or five times in 19 years , we're ridiculously in love, and I cannot imagine my life without him. On the other hand, he drives me crazy in little ways almost every day, I don't have butterflies when I see him anymore; I did in the beginning , and there are aspects of his personality that I've had to come to terms with he's much more introverted than I am which makes it difficult at times to have a social life with him. So you can find someone you're head-over-heels about but you must realize that those feelings don't last forever. Those crazy, heart-pounding emotions evolve into deep contentment and feelings of comfort over time. I think it would be exhausting to have crazy-in-love, obsessed feelings about someone day in, day out, for years and years and years. This needs repeating. Break up! I find that my own tendency to feel "loving" is directly linked to my moods. Copied for emphasis. This is so important to get your head around. Presumably, if you are looking to get married, then you specifically want to get married to someone you are compatible with. The only way you figure out whom you are compatible with is to try out different people. Don't underestimate the power of having some experimental relationships to figure out what is most important to you in a relationship. It probably won't be what you expected. I used to think that I would end up with another writer. After dating two of them, I realize this is not a prerequisite. I've been way happier with creative people who aren't in the same discipline I am. We really had a lot of growing up to do, but I'm so happy to have him by my side. We built our lives from the ground up and it's been a privilege. He's my best friend and I really don't want to spend my time with anyone but him. Turns out he was thinking the same thing. Long story short, she ran away from her family at the risk of being disowned to come to the US and marry me. I stood there at the altar that day and really had my doubts. But we had been through so much that I just couldn't tell her the truth. But she went through with it and has no regrets: He is truly my other half in life, and without him I would be so lost. I'm so grateful that part of me that was scared and hopeless and wanted to run away screaming decided to stay, to wait and see if we could grow together, to see what life we could build together. Some people marry their partners even if they think the relationship is imbalanced and one person likes the other more than they like them, which can cast doubts in your mind. Anything I want to do is what he wants to do too, and not just to humour me, he seems to genuinely enjoy doing whatever it is that will make me happy. But I often think that he deserves someone better than me, he deserves someone who will look at him the same way he looks at me. The Independent's Millennial Love group is the best place to discuss to the highs and lows of modern dating and relationships. Join the conversation here. You can find our Community Guidelines in full here. Want to discuss real-world problems, be involved in the most engaging discussions and hear from the journalists? I see a man that has a year-long affair on his wife is a man that doesn't honor his commitments, who lies and is a selfish coward. I simply could never trust a man that was so openly deceitful. He could have been honorable and ended his marriage before pursuing you. The fact that he chose not to do that without some extreme extenuating circumstances, of which you made no mention other than not really loving his wife says that he has serious lack of character issues -- that he'll put his own needs above those of the woman he pledged his life to. That says to me he's very selfish and a coward. Being of such negligible character, I have a hard time seeing him being a stand-up guy with you. I see him more likely putting his needs first and not really caring how it affects you. So that's my first big caveat. Putting the cheating issue aside and looking at your situation as if that wasn't how it started, it looks like he has everything he wants and there is no reason for him to change. You have to get over this wanting him to have a desire to marry. He doesn't. You can't change that. You can't make someone want something. But if he is sincere in being willing to marry to make you happy, that is significant. That would be a sign of a partner. He's not standing on some bs principle or letting his fear dominate his life. If you can believe that he can sincerely do this for you to show his commitment and because he believes that it's important to you, then you should be satisfied with that. We do things for our partners all the time that we don't like or care for but we do them because it makes our partners happy or is important to them. If such partners then complained that it didn't count because we didn't really like it, that would be ridiculous and not to mention ridiculously selfish. I not only want you to go to the opera and be pleasant company i. Instead of recognizing someone sacrificing something to make you happy whether it's a night at the opera or getting married , you're focused on his intentions and desires. He's entitled to have his own desires and emotions -- that's not something you can control. Your desire to control that is your problem not his. The fact that you're so adamant about wanting him to want to get to married I think stems from what he told you about his first marriage. That you fear that he doesn't really want to marry you and somewhere down the road will have an affair with someone else much like he did with you because he doesn't really want to get married and he'll use the same story of not really wanting to marry you. I don't know what I'd do there. That's a hard call. I think you really need to search your soul and see if you can trust his intentions -- and given how your relationship started and what he said about his first wife, that's understandably difficult. But I think you have to make that call. If you can trust his intentions as sincere, then go ahead with the marriage -- let go of this foolish "I want him to want it too". It's unrealistic, controlling and a little juvenile. If you feel that you can't, then you may want to seriously reconsider your relationship altogether. Your relationship may ultimately be a poisoned well given the infidelity at the start, but only you know whether that's an issue for you or not. I don't understand that viewpoint, although I understand it's out there and for some people it's okay. I look at it like I do any other contract. Sure, you can make an oral contract, but for important stuff, people put contracts in writing. I think being married is a bigger deal than living together as an unmarried couple. Others disagree, but that's my take on it. I think you've got some soul searching to do, Dawn, and only you really have the ultimate answers. Best of luck to you! I hope you find all that you seek. Vicky -- I can't actually say why you personally are having a hard time letting go and accepting the reality of this situation. It may be as simple as just letting go of love. Many people in such a situation have a hard time letting go because they love their partner deeply. Unfortunately, their bf doesn't want the same things in life -- they don't want to be married to their gfs. You want fundamentally different things in your relationship. That's a really, really hard truth to accept especially when he's telling you how much he loves you. If you're interested in figuring out your issues personally, I'd really suggest considering seeing a counselor. Unless it's really obvious, a good counselor will really help you parse out these issues. I know there is a concept out there that says people are attracted to each other that fill some void they have as a person, or a core wound. And sometimes when you find such a person that fills that void, it can blind you to other areas where you don't fit because filling that void is so important to you. I'll give an example from my life. I struggle with abandonment issues and not feeling truly lovable due to my familial background. So when I "feel" very loved, I can blind myself to other issues. It was very difficult for me to break something off with a man that made me feel very loved and cherished but didn't want to marry me. Being married and making the commitment is extremely important to me. I want to feel loved and find my Person -- that individual that will be with me through thick and thin, that will be my rock and partner through all of Life's trials and tribulations if you see how Veronica talks about her husband and marriage -- I want that! But to let go of that immediate feeling of love because I knew there was no future was very, very hard. And it hurt like hell. And it took time to grief that loss -- and it is very much a loss. The comfort was that I knew I was doing what was best for me in the longrun -- then I could find someone that only made me feel loved in the present but would also promise to be there for me in the future and with whom I could build a life together. Perhaps your bf has some quality that fills a particular void in you -- a core wound. If you can figure out what that is and then work on healing it from within, then you won't be so susceptible to it in the future because you will have filled it yourself. You won't be so blinded by it. Just remember all your good qualities during these hard times. You sound amazing. You're educated, well-rounded, come from a great family, are very intuitive and self-aware, sound very generous with a big heart. If he can't see all those qualities, then that's a lacking on his part, not yours. And once you end this relationship, you'll be able to go out and find someone that can see all of you and will feel blessed and cherished to have such an amazing woman in his life. Best of luck -- and definitely keep us updated on how it goes. I feel for ya and know you'll be okay and eventually back to feeling amazing. So I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, were 23 and 24 and will qualify as doctors in a year. When I question him on marriage he says he will consider it after our foundation years I'm not saying I want to get married right now, but some sort of further commitment would be good. He is from a different culture and isn't meant to have girlfriends and so, even though it has been 4 years, I have never once met his family. Do you think I'm just being strung along? When I try to ask him he just seems unable to have a proper debate and we never get anywhere, he just wont talk about it all! Hi Victoria and Lindsey, I'm really looking forward to dying actually! Deep down I do know everything you just said to me. I am an educated, well rounded woman that comes from a great family and has a lot going for her. Why can I not walk away from this? This is not my first long-term relationship, and I may be only 24 but I've lived a VERY different life than most-in many ways. Thank you for your advice, and please keep me in your prayers. I will keep you posted on my improvement! Vicky -- You may not like to hear this, but given what you've written, I'd definitely say your relationship is not worth it. I would have bailed a long, long time ago. Here are my thoughts. First -- mom and sister. Your bf's family is going to be a big part of your life. They say when you marry someone, you marry their family as well. I find this to be very true. Now, plenty of us come from hot mess families, so it's not like you can never date someone because they have a crazy family. But how they treat you in relation to their family is very telling. You don't say much about where your bf is in this mess, but it sounds like to me that he isn't very supportive of you likely that he just wants to stay out of it which leaves you having to constantly deal with his nutty sister and mom? That's a really rough situation, especially since you describe them as so controlling and manipulative. For me, unless my bf was helping to make me feel really safe and secure in our relationship, how he felt about me, including in how he protected me from others including his crazy family , I'd be out of there. It sounds like he isn't making you feel like he's got your back and you're number 1 in his life. That would be a HUGE problem for me. It was exhausting as I felt I was having to constantly fight them and defend myself -- it really drained me. One of the reasons we eventually ended things was because despite loving him very much, certain members of his family tearing me down while he sat by and watched, made excuses for them or asked me to be more understanding of their lack of empathy and compassion just killed my respect and eventually my love of him. I'd never do that again. Second -- you don't sound like a good emotional match. People express emotions and relate to people in different ways. Neither is better than the other, just different. But it is important that you have some overlap and some compatibility. They're all valid methods of expressing emotion, but problems arise when you guys speak completely different languages, which seems to be the case with your bf. You want to touch, cuddle, hold hands me too! It's this sort of crossed wires that can be really difficult. Neither of you is wrong or bad, you just express things differently. This would be another big concern of mine because I'm not sure how much people can really re-wire themselves to want to love to be expressed in certain ways or to alter their own natural inclination of expression. Some movement is probably possible, but if you're too different which is sounds like you are it's just too much change to ask for realistically. Third -- He gives out his number to other women? I'm usually pretty chill and think men and women can be friends sometimes, but I get the impression that you don't think this is innocent. If that's the case, I'd say trust your gut. Fourth--You're only What's the rush? Why are you with a guy that is 10 years older? Why at 21 would you want to date a 31 year-old guy seriously? Your bf sounds like he has some serious issues and I don't think it makes sense for you to invest any more time or energy helping to "fix" him or help him heal these issues. That is for him to, or not do. I have to wonder if at 31, he sought out a 21 year-old because a more experienced woman would see through a lot of his bs and issues very soon and wouldn't bother to keep giving him the benefit of doubt. She'd stop throwing good money after bad rather quickly -- and I suggest you do the same. Go out, have fun, explore. Bfs are great, but there really is no reason to rush into marriage. Enjoy this time. Eat out, try new restaurants, try new hobbies or that new dance class you've always been interested in. Take this time to explore and figure out who Vicky is and who Vicky wants to be. Live it up. Don't spend any more time on this 34 year-old guy that lets his family treat your poorly, is giving out his phone number to other women or who has some serious emotion issues he needs to work on before he can be a true parter. To me, it sounds like you're settling for a broken, possibly selfish guy. I'd say end it and move onto bigger and better pastures. And I think deep down you already know this. Best of luck! I spent some time reading your advices to other people, and you guys seem very experienced and intellectual in the health relationships. I am looking forward to reading your response to my post Victoria or Lindsey! My boyfriend is 45 and divorced with 2 kids. His "story" about his first marriage is that he did it because that was the thing to do everyone was doing it etc , never REALLY loved her and thought with time he would. Had children soon after the marriage. The kids are his life! Was happy living as a "family" but was never truly happy with his wife. She fooled around, he found out, they tried to work on things. The affair last just over a year. Throughout the time he would tell me that he wanted to be with me but had a really hard time thinking he then wouldn't be able to see his kids every day. She found out, they tried to work it out, he still couldn't stop seeing me, she found out again and ended it quickly. The years that we've been together have been busy with renovations to our home, trying to make a baby, sick and dying parents, on going issues with his ex, and his struggle not seeing his kids every day. I want to get married, and have been open and honest about this. Through our discussions throughout the years he's communicated that at some point we'd marry. Over the past year he's made comments to friends and family about us getting married, he's asked what kind of a ring style I like, what size and so on. Paid a lot of money to go to a very high end beach resort that we went to at the start of our relationship that we really like. To be totally honest I think he is going to propose at every minute of the day and it never happens. Finally on our second last night I told him that I thought he would have proposed. He has though about and gone through the motions to getting ready to propose. He had planned on asking me while we were away and had discussions with a jeweler until he realized that he was just doing it because I want it so much, and he didn't want it, and therefore it wasn't the right time for him. He has now told me that he does not have the desire to marry. He does have the desire to marry me but that's to make me happy, I want it more than he does. He does not feel like we need to be married. If we stay together I either have to settle for never being married. Or if the does propose at some point I will think that it is just because I want it and it is not genuine. Or he is doing it because he is scared that I will eventually keep my word and leave if he does not propose. Am I unrealistic to want the fairy tale proposal with the speech about his love for me and desire to want to marry me? I have truly hit a point where I need to decide to continue on this highway or take the next exit off. He is 34 years old and I am 24 years old. He has been married before and has a natural fear of marriage due to the fact that his wife abandoning him right after he had surgery on both of his knees. He also comes from a broken home. His mother has been married 2 times and is praying for the 3rd to come around. She has become extremely religious and claims herself and her oldest daughter to be prophets..

Miss Unsure -- I don't have Veronica's way with words, so please accept my apologies in advance for how rough this may come out. I'm worried that you're going to end up investing more in a man that's showing so little true actualization. Sure, he may have TONS of potential, but very little actualization i.

And at the end of the day, that's what matters -- what he actually manages to do, not what he theoretically can do. As Calvin Coolidge said, "nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. At the end of the day, it's the actualization that matters. Whether he's got it in him to be there for you as a partner and your child as a father? It's rising above your own personal problems to actualize that potential which is the hallmark of character -- being there when you're sick, when the baby has had a hard night, not running off to just think of himself and letting you do all the heavy lifting in the relationship and at the house.

From what you've said so far, it sounds like he has very little chance of actualizing much of this potential you see in him. Secondly, the other thing that worries me is this sentiment that if you love someone enough, it will all work out.

I couldn't disagree more. Selfish people can I don t want to marry my girlfriend "love" or you can still "love" selfish people, but loving one another won't change their inherent selfish character. There are plenty of other personality traits you can substitute for selfishness -- emotional cowardice, addiction, link. No amount of love from you article source anyone else will change these things -- they have to be things that the individual wants to change.

I really hope things work out for you and this guy rises to the occasion, but from what you've said, it sounds like you've fallen in love with a loser, a deeply wounded man who has shown you no substantial desire to heal I don t want to marry my girlfriend wounds so he can give back to you as a true partner does.

And you'll be crippled by his woundedness as well. Lindsey Well to be honest, I have loved him since we started dating. It's something that has not changed for me despite how much he has made me cry or second guess myself. I love him for the man I know he can be, and lately he has been making more of an effort. We turned a new I don t want to marry my girlfriend a couple days ago. I finally got him to sit down and talk to me about marriage and about our relationship. He told me that since his divorce he has a bad out look on marriage that has nothing to do with me.

I can understand that, but I told him that the circumstances between his marriage and what he says he feels with me are completely different. I got him to realize that when you truly love someone, you just know it's going to work out, and he agreed. He apologized for not treating me the way I deserve to be treated I don t want to marry my girlfriend for not talking things out with me sooner.

He says that he's scared because he thinks I deserve the wedding of my dreams, and he wont be able to afford to give it to me. I told him that a big wedding would be nice, but what's most important to me is being his wife.

I'll be perfectly happy with just getting married by court and having a small get together with close family and friends. That seemed to reassure him a bit, and he said that he'd be more than happy to make me his wife.

So with those words, I'm more confident in where I stand. I believe that despite how much someone hurts you, when you look back and can recount more times and moments that made you happy, that's when you know that things are not as bad as you think.

I believe people can change if they really want to. My boyfriend has truly matured for the man he once was. Even though he was more romantic in the beginning, I think that's the case for a lot of couples. Relationships are always the most romantic in the beginning stages and slowly calms down through out your time together, but as long as you both still love each other, there's always hope for a Happily Ever After.

Communication has a lot I don t want to marry my girlfriend do with how well or how bad your relationship gets.

So hopefully things continue to get better, but all I can say now is I'm so happy I finally got a straight answer and explanation from him. Miss Unsure -- why do you love a guy that cheated on you when you were carrying his child?

I can't think of anything more cruel and selfish -- it seems like that would be illustration enough of his character, or lack I don t want to marry my girlfriend.

I know you may feel like you "love" him, but his actions are not loving. Instead of focusing on him and his "mixed signals", you may want to look within I don t want to marry my girlfriend and see why you'd tolerate, let alone love, a man that would treat you so poorly. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and we have a 1 and a half year old together. I don t want to marry my girlfriend we met, he was going through a divorce, he had been married to his ex wife for 2 years.

When we talked about his marriage, he told me he wansn't ready to get married and he didn't want to marry her, but he felt pressured to do so because she had told him she was pregnant. I don t want to marry my girlfriend he found out that she was not pregnant, his first thought was he didnt have to marry her after all, but after talking to his mother, she convinced him it would be wrong to not marry her just because there is no baby, so he went through with it.

Well obviously it didn't work out and they filed for divorce. Towards the end of his divorce, we met and started dating. Things moved pretty fast between us.

I don t want to marry my girlfriend

Falsely accused of sexual harassment.

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